IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some believe that a tax on companies should be introduced to reduce industrial pollution. Others believe that other measures should be taken to solve the problem. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#believe #tax #companies #pollution #measures
Some argue that the solution to industrial
pollution
 should be to impose a
tax
 on corporations.
In contrast
, others say that other measures are needed. Actions against
companies
 alone are insufficient to solve
this
 problem, and I believe that other solutions are required to encourage individuals to improve their behaviour. Some argue that if the state imposes a
tax
 on businesses, they will avoid it and decrease industrial
pollution
. A
tax
 on industrial
pollution
 could let
companies
 work on it immediately because they could easily understand what action leads to reducing the
tax
 specifically.
For instance
, the Japanese government taxed cafes and restaurants, claiming that
plastic
garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
show examples
 from cups and straws contributes to air
pollution
.
As a result
, these cafes and restaurants have succeeded in serving food with dishes and decreasing
plastic
 waste.
Consequently
, many eating establishments have adopted
this
 initiative, and
plastic
 trash in dining establishments is decreasing.
On the other hand
, inviting environmental experts to
companies
' meetings to inform the impact of environmental public nuisance is a more effective way to change the environmentally conscious behaviour of individuals and corporations. Facing each individual's fundamental ecological problems and influence could avoid thinking simplistically about environmental challenges.
For example
, an advertising agency lectured the employees on issues and effects of industrial
pollution
, which let them raise awareness about what kind of actions influence industrial
pollution
.
Therefore
, some employees suggest abolishing
plastic
 bottles in their company, and they actively incorporate
to adopt
Wrong verb form
adoption
show examples
 to digitize meeting materials. In conclusion,
while
 taxing corporations is an effective policy to reduce
pollution
, I believe that a lecture on industrial
pollution
 in
companies
 is more effective in providing a positive opportunity for more people to improve their behaviour toward the problem.
Submitted by loud.music.n on

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task achievement
The essay offers a valid discussion on both sides of the argument and includes a clear opinion. However, provide more varied examples or evidence to further strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. Some transitions are notable, but others could be made smoother for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view with clear support for each perspective, as well as a well-articulated personal stance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the discussion.
task achievement
The use of examples like the Japanese government taxing cafes provides concrete support for the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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