Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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It is argued that the age set for

retirement

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which is usually 65 years, is a predicament on fairness in society towards some specific physical and mental attention-demanding jobs. Some individuals compose to get a pension before their

retirement

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period

due to

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occupational hazards.I absolutely agree with the desire to initiate pension plans in the early stage of life as some occupations are risk-prone. No worthless, workers under the skill trade category may not need physical strength,

however

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many of them require mental attention for their tasks .

Such

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applicants need to get a break at an early stage of their life cycle and work under stress for the entire time.

For example

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, healthcare professionals may not require physical ability to cure their patients ,

however

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, they mostly need to draw complete concentration in order to provide outstanding treatment for serious cases

such

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as surgeries and heart diseases.

Therefore

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such

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particular jobs deserve to retire and receive a pension at their earlier age.

Additionally

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, some contemporary occupations require repetitive updates in terms of technology.Several times the old worker may fail to adopt the new methods and usually prioritise their traditional approaches to perform modern tasks.

This

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tendency can lead to decrement in production and it can be the cause for the generation gap.To illustrate, the software engineering field often requires one to get familiar with new advanced intelligence technology.

Thus

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old workers will not be related to new developments and It will be fruitful for them to retire early. In conclusion, every person has a distinguished capacity to work in different sectors, they should get

retirement

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incentives regardless of their physical and mental strength rather than at a fixed age of 65 years.These criteria can help to eliminate the pressure of continue doing the job for

retirement

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samanpreetkaur.881995Fri Mar 28 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint, which is great. However, consider rephrasing for clarity. For example, you could say, 'There is an ongoing debate about the fairness of a mandatory retirement age of 65, particularly for physically and mentally demanding jobs.'

coherence and cohesion

In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked back to your main argument about early retirement. Currently, the connection isn't always explicit. You could use phrases like 'This supports my argument because...' to enhance coherence.

task achievement

You present relevant examples, but some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, you mention healthcare professionals but could provide more detail on why their job demands early retirement.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, demonstrating a strong position throughout. Well done!

coherence and cohesion

The use of specific job examples, like healthcare professionals and software engineers, effectively illustrates your points. This adds depth to your argument.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement age
pension
unfair
occupational hazards
early retirement
physically demanding jobs
mental health
burnout
job-related stress
flexible retirement
health risks
workplace adaptation
career satisfaction
work-life balance

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