IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that public buildings should be moved out of the city, while some argue that the planning will cause more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #buildings #city #argue #harm
We are living in a modern world in which we have full amenities
such
 as services, education, technology, etc.
However
, it’s a fact that as the human world develops more and more, it has brought a plethora of consequences, especially environmental problems.
Therefore
, plenty of country leaders have devised a plan to move public buildings out of the city.
While
 a lot of people who don’t suppose the idea, believe that the scheme will bring about more negative than good. From my perspective, I do not completely accept the solution and I will explain the reason why I think so. On the one hand, we cannot deny that relocating public institutions will have a rapid and effective impact on the environment from the beginning.
For example
, when the governments decide to move out of the metropolitan area, we can reduce the large amount of dust and smoke caused by factories and workshops.
In addition
, the growing traffic problem will be solved because shopping malls or hospitals are no longer in large areas.
However
,
this
 method does not completely solve the problem because when we relocate government buildings, we cannot respond in time to emergencies
such
 as traffic accidents or fires. After all, the support areas are too far away.
In addition
, the fact that essential projects are located in the suburbs will reduce the number of visitors, making it difficult for citizens to visit and learn about their country.
In particular
, the construction of projects in less populated areas will lead to increased fuel use for transportation and cause more dangerous environmental pollution.
Therefore
, some people believe that relocation brings more negatives than positives.
However
, if we consider moving works, as long as we use it properly, the above method can optimize and solve numerous issues. All in all, moving all kinds of public buildings out is not a good idea. If we want to talk about any issue or solution, we need to talk about both the benefits and drawbacks to give the most accurate plans for each type of public-sector building.
For
this
 reason, we need to use
this
 plan reasonably, like moving factories outside the city
while
 health and economic projects should remain in the city.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples and case studies to support the main points effectively. Discussing how specific cities or countries have benefited or struggled with such relocation could be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main argument. While the essay does a good job of logically structuring points, some transitions between ideas can be smoother with appropriate linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured format with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well articulated and relevant to the topic, covering both sides of the argument comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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