Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views.
Some
individuals
thought that it is a totally
Change the adverb
total
responsability
of Correct your spelling
responsibility
citizens
to take care of their own health
. While
other
believe that the Fix the agreement mistake
others
government
should covert
Correct your spelling
cover
society
's health
. While
some individuals
highly believe citizens
should paid
for their own Change the verb form
pay
be paid
helath
, I believe it is Correct your spelling
health
Correct article usage
the government
government
Change noun form
government's
responsability
to take care of individual's Correct your spelling
responsibility
health
because they have people's taxes and this
money should be invested in health
programs.
On the one hand, many people believe that individuals
should take care of their own health
because they need to show some type of responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
about
their decisions on food and physical activities. Change preposition
for
Firstly
, when the majority of individuals
accept that they are totally responsible for their own health
system
, the rest of the population tend
to follow these Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
believes
. Replace the word
beliefs
However
, this
type og
behaviour is not like Correct your spelling
of
this
in all the
nations because some nations have different Correct article usage
apply
way
of thinking. Fix the agreement mistake
ways
Also
, this
is a convenient campaing
Correct your spelling
campaign
camping
system
that many entities pay for it because they will be benefit
if Change the verb form
benefit
citizens
believe they are responsible for their well being
. Add a hyphen
well-being
For instance
, in California
most of the employees are Add a comma
California,
worrried
Correct your spelling
worried
to be
hired by companies that Change preposition
about being
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
health
insurance
because the cost of health
is very costly. However
,I believe that citizens
should not be worried about their health's
expenses when they become sick because Change noun form
health
this
is a constitutional right to have access to health
for anyone.
On the other hand
, in other countries, the majority of citizens
support that the government
system
must pay for health
insurance
for the entire society
because they accumulate people's taxes every year. To begin
, citizens
are involved in politichian's
decisions to make sure their money is well used, and Change noun form
politicians'
society
claim
to them to invest Change the verb form
claims
on
Change preposition
in
health
Add an article
the health
system
to support individual's
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals'
health
. As a result
, the government
invest
huge Wrong verb form
invested
amount
of money to Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
built
hospitals and preventive medicine to educate their Wrong verb form
build
society
to avoid chronic diseases. Because of this
, most indiviudal
maintain Correct your spelling
individual
individuals
a
good Remove the article
apply
health
and the cost of well being
is less expensive. Add a hyphen
well-being
For instance
, in many countries like United
Correct article usage
the United
kingdom
and Germany Capitalize word
Kingdom
they
offer free Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
cover
for their Replace the word
coverage
citizens
and society
pay
attention to Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
educated
their children Change the form of the verb
educating
and
they live without being worried if they get sick. I strongly believe Correct word choice
so
this
is a preferable way of living because individuals
must have the right to be covered by a
Remove the article
apply
health
insurance
.
To conclude
, although
some individuals
strongly believe everyone is responsible for thier
Correct your spelling
their
well being
, I believe Add a hyphen
well-being
this
should no
be like Correct your spelling
not
this
because citizens
must be covered by health
Add an article
the health
a health
system
, and the government
should prioritize individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
health
as a constitutional right. This
way, society
can have access to health
insurance
for free at any time.Submitted by cuevas14dic on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure needs significant improvement to ensure clarity and logical flow of ideas. In the future, organize your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and follow them with supporting details. Use a range of linking words for better cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There are attempts to present an introduction and conclusion; however, they require more clarity and should directly address the essay prompt. Make sure to restate the topic and brief the discussion points in the introduction, and summarize your stance and the discussion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples or evidence. While you provided some instances, they were somewhat vague. More concrete examples would strengthen your arguments. Additionally, avoid jumps in logic or unexplained assertions. Each claim should be supported within its own paragraph.
task achievement
A full response to the task should present a balanced discussion of both views, with a clear explanation of your own position. While you have attempted to do this, it's essential to develop your ideas further for both sides of the argument consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas to ensure they are easy to understand and remember to address the prompt directly. Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your points in a clear and comprehensive manner.
task achievement
Make sure to include relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the points you are making. The examples used should underpin the arguments rather than serving as general statements. It's vital that every argument is corroborated with a definite illustration.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?