IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is often thought that these days a lot of humankind prefers to live in communities, particularly when the prices of consumer
goods
Use synonyms
 are less expensive.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 opinion, and I believe that the pros of
this
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 behaviour are much better than its risks. At the outset, when folk live in any place all over the world, some factors support them to select
this
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 place for
life
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.
Firstly
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, the most important factor is the availability of anything they need, especially if it is cheaper than the other places.
Secondly
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, a few negative effects might happen
as a result
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 of the attitudes of some
people
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 who are fond of consumerism, so; they will buy lots of things, even if they do not really need them.
Consequently
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, these
goods
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 will disappear quickly from the markets, and other
people
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 will suffer because of
goods
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 shortages. Even though the presence
of
Change preposition
apply
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minor disadvantages
due to
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 lower prices of
goods
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, lots of benefits will be achieved.
For example
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, employees with
low-paid
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low
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 salaries can buy easily their essential things for a living, and they can save some money for other purposes.
In addition
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 to that, there are great chances for the
people
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 in these communities to live comfortably, because they are able to cover their
life
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 expenses.
Hence
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, there is a valuable opportunity for their children to be educated well, as; parents have enough money to fund them.
Moreover
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, the percentage of poverty will be reduced in these societies because the majority of
people
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 will be encouraged to work because their
life
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 expenditures are very low, and they can earn more money. In conclusion,
although
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 some cons are present, the positive consequences of
this
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 thought are huge compared to them, so; I believe that it is better for anybody to live in places where
goods
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 are cheap because the probability of a comfortable
life
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 will increase.
Also
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, the
authority
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authorities
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 should make programmes to increase
people
Use synonyms
's awareness to control their consumerism to avoid any negative side effects.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more succinct and focused. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and relevant main point that supports the overall argument. Use linking words and transition phrases to improve the flow of ideas and coherence in the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt and provides clear, comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more focused and the ideas could be presented in a more structured way to improve task achievement.
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