IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #societies #consumer #goods #outweigh
It is often thought that these days a lot of humankind prefers to live in communities, particularly when the prices of consumer
goods
 are less expensive.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 opinion, and I believe that the pros of
this
 behaviour are much better than its risks. At the outset, when folk live in any place all over the world, some factors support them to select
this
 place for
life
.
Firstly
, the most important factor is the availability of anything they need, especially if it is cheaper than the other places.
Secondly
, a few negative effects might happen
as a result
 of the attitudes of some
people
 who are fond of consumerism, so; they will buy lots of things, even if they do not really need them.
Consequently
, these
goods
 will disappear quickly from the markets, and other
people
 will suffer because of
goods
 shortages. Even though the presence
of
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apply
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minor disadvantages
due to
 lower prices of
goods
, lots of benefits will be achieved.
For example
, employees with
low-paid
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low
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 salaries can buy easily their essential things for a living, and they can save some money for other purposes.
In addition
 to that, there are great chances for the
people
 in these communities to live comfortably, because they are able to cover their
life
 expenses.
Hence
, there is a valuable opportunity for their children to be educated well, as; parents have enough money to fund them.
Moreover
, the percentage of poverty will be reduced in these societies because the majority of
people
 will be encouraged to work because their
life
 expenditures are very low, and they can earn more money. In conclusion,
although
 some cons are present, the positive consequences of
this
 thought are huge compared to them, so; I believe that it is better for anybody to live in places where
goods
 are cheap because the probability of a comfortable
life
 will increase.
Also
, the
authority
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authorities
show examples
 should make programmes to increase
people
's awareness to control their consumerism to avoid any negative side effects.
Submitted by sm710129 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more succinct and focused. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and relevant main point that supports the overall argument. Use linking words and transition phrases to improve the flow of ideas and coherence in the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt and provides clear, comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more focused and the ideas could be presented in a more structured way to improve task achievement.

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