New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
contemporary era, the activities conducted during leisure time by children
have drastically changed over the period because of technical advancement. This
essay will discuss my complete disagreement that advantages outweigh disadvantages with reasons extensively in the subsequent paragraphs.
To commence, the preponderant reason behind my outlook is that it has a negative effect on the brain development
of children
. To expound, in the current scenario, younger kids are highly dependent upon technical gadgets as a source of entertainment and are glued to their phone screens, consequently
, they hardly go outside and communicate with other individuals, which overall
hinders their social development
because ‘play’ is imperative for young one’s brain growth
. In contrast
, in the past, kids used to allot at least 60 minutes to play which helped them grow physically and mentally. For instance
, as per a recent survey conducted by a childcare organization, it has been claimed that the growing generation lacks many critical skills for survival that could have only been developed if kids would have
played and communicated with their peers. Wrong verb form
had
Thus
, the aforementioned reason elucidates how these gadgets are impacting adversely.
Moving further
, another pivotal aspect is the detrimental impact of these devices on a child’s overall
growth
. To explicate, a young fellow is not mature enough to understand the criticality of not visiting a few restricted websites, and out of curiosity, they started
visiting those sites and eventually become addicted to those sites. Wrong verb form
start
As a result
of that, they hit puberty at a very early age even when their bodies are not ready for those changes, however
, it was not the case earlier when these gadgets were restricted to elders only. For example
, an internet website provided data where it was informed that a large proportion of their memberships are by juveniles who claim themselves to be adults. Hence
, the abovementioned example substantiates its effect on kids’ growth
.
To conclude
, the excessive usage of technical devices by children
is worsening the situation as it is not only hampering their brain development
but also
proving itself an obstacle to their overall
growth
. In my perspective, parents should not hand these devices to their children
as an escape strategy, because though it doesn’t seem that detrimental from the outside, it has a severe deep impact on their child’s development
.Submitted by manpreet.kaur.riar67 on
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Task Response
Your arguments are well articulated and supported by relevant examples. However, it's important to ensure that your response directly addresses the given prompt. Make sure your arguments reflect a clear understanding of the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The use of cohesive devices helps in connecting ideas, but there are some areas where smoother transitions are needed. Ensure that the progression of ideas is easy to follow for the reader.
Lexical Resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay. Consider using more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance the richness of your writing. Aim for greater variety in lexical resources to elevate the quality of your writing.
Grammatical Range
Your grammar is generally strong, but there are a few areas where sentence structures could be improved for greater complexity and accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of appropriate tenses to convey precise meaning.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.