More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree?

#people #health #life #style #medicines

Nowadays,

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

is an increasing number of

people

suffering from

health

issues

caused by a modern lifestyle that can not be helped by using modern

medicines

However

, many

people

argue that traditional

medicines

are the best solution for

health

problems. In fact, I strongly disagree that modern

medicine

can not treat

people

with

health

issues

for two main reasons. The main reason is in

this

modern era modern

medicine

has improved. Many scientists and researchers

discover

Wrong verb form

have discovered

show examples

great

medicine

that can kill any bacteria inside the human body. By using the

medicine

, doctors can easily help patients.

For instance

people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

have heart disease do not have to suffer from the pain for too long. They can take one pill and feel better at the same time.

Consequently

, life expectancy

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

. The following reason is the modern cure is easier to get. In

this

modern era, many citizens can find

medicines

in drugstores or pharmacies.

Moreover

, these drugstores can be easily found near housing areas. It will be beneficial for citizens to save their time. For illustration,

people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

get diarrhoea by consuming fast food can ask their relatives to buy

medicine

near their houses. It will be effective to help them.

As a result

, they can be helped quickly.

To sum up

, many societies in

this

era have

health

issues

by having bad habits. These

health

issues

can be helped by using modern cures rather than traditional

medicines

because there are many good modern cures that can easily help patients and the

medicines

easier to find. I am firmly convinced that consuming modern

medicine

is the right decision to help citizens

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Jul 12 2023

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task response

Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the question and presents a well-structured argument. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to fully address the prompt.

coherence and cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents supported main points. However, there is a need for more cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to enhance coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

lifestyle diseases
sedentary habits
stress-related disorders
holistic practices
comprehensive approach
preventive measures
traditional dietary practices
evidence-based practice
integration
efficacy
natural herbs
wellness
affordable alternative
public education
stress management techniques

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More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern life style which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicines should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You had dinner with a family friend. Write a letter to your friend to say What you liked about the dinner Your feelings about their family Invite your friend and their family to your place

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?