IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Health
Use synonyms
 preservation plays a vital role in human life and the
government
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 should take it into consideration. It is suggested that
people
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's
health
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 protection is the most important aspect of
people
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's life.
While
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 I firmly believe there are several
sectors
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such
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 as environmental conservation and education which are essential all over the world and have mutual effects on each other
as
Correct word choice
apply
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the
government
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 should keep a balance among them. On the one hand, having a great service in Healthcare is necessary for all societies, because it gives
people
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 a chance to access sufficient treatment which protects their lives and decreases the rate of mortality.
Moreover
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, being- well in both mental and physical
health
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 leads to a healthy society which has education, employment, and economic growth.
Therefore
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 the
government
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 must invest in
this
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 major and
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 to improve healthcare service.
For instance
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, in  developed countries, like the US and Europe professional treatments are available for Nations and they can be under the supervision of doctors regularly.
Consequently
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, they are less likely to suffer illness and are not prone to
health
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 problems compared with undeveloped countries.
On the other hand
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, despite the importance of attention to
health
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, it should not be a preference for the
government
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 and they are responsible for other
sectors
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 like environmental protection
as well as
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 education. To be more specific, If any damage is caused to the environment it can threaten all animals and
people
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's life.
As authorities
Correct word choice
Authorities
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 should seriously take action and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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people
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's awareness to solve environmental problems. In fact, when nations and authorities protect
this
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 precious blessing, it can affect
people
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's
health
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 directly.
To conclude
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although
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 protecting
people
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 from physical and mental issues and their treatment is a must in all nations, other
sectors
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 should not be denied and the
government
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 should spend money and give funds in all important
sectors
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 fairly, because they affect each other.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further by providing more specific examples and evidence.
lexical resource
Pay attention to word choice and accuracy in grammar.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases and cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
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