Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this positive or negative development?

Currently for entering into
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
have many competitions in recruitment.
Although
students
study
hard and develop their minds, they lose their health and fall into depression. Many
students
try to
study
at the best educational institution in the world, so they start to
study
hard from a young age or go to extra classes. When they are going to enter the
university
they come across a lot of competition.
For instance
, applicants who try to enter Oxford
University
debate day and night for the competition. Even if they do not enter Oxford Academy they can
study
at other high-level universities, because when they try to apply is that Oxford
University
they become very smart. In the world, a lot of applicants try to enter educational institutions after graduation, so they start studying all the time and forget their personal lives. Teenagers which very young should consume many vitamins for good growth. But they do not care about their health, because they do not have enough time for caring about themselves.
For example
, many
students
who really want to apply the
university
they are stop going to parties or going outside with their friends and they concentrate only on their studies or on their knowledge. admission who want to
study
at the best
university
in their country or in the world should have enough capacity. In conclusion, after finishing school applying to the academy may be a little stressful but studying the subject which
students
want can be the best way to develop
students
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Clarify the introduction to clearly state whether competition for university admission is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea that supports your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use connectors and linking phrases to create smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
The essay highlights some important points regarding the impact of university competition on students.
task achievement
The paragraph about health concerns and personal life neglect effectively points out the negative consequences.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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