IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircut and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

millennium
Correct article usage
The millennium
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 has ushered mankind to
ever increasing
Use the right word
ever-increasing
show examples
 need of maintaining one’s image. It seems easier
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people to get
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 by purchasing
apparels
Fix the agreement mistake
apparel
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 and cosmetics. I intend to explore
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 and demerits of
this
Linking Words
 tendency in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 segments. On the one hand,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 and foremost benefit is that it boosts the confidence of individuals. By getting praise from others, mortals feel
contended
Use the right word
contented
show examples
 and satisfied.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 can face everyone in any situation as they do not look ugly because of these products. Eventually,
humans
Check wording
humans'
show examples
 image becomes confident and attractive.
Secondly
Linking Words
, to show
theirselves
Use the right word
themselves
show examples
 elegant and young.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are innumerable artists who have
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
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 personality as they use extravagant cosmetics on their skin
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time. One clear example is Shilpa Shetty
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 is in her 50s
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 she does not show her age.
Lastly
Linking Words
, enhancing job opportunities for numerous folks. In order to get ready for any show or occasion, people hire make-up artists and
hair dressers
Use the right word
hairdressers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 becomes
earning
Correct article usage
an earning
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 source for these mortals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are lots of drawbacks as well. It gives rise to plenty of health ailments. As everyone does not
have
Wrong verb form
everyone has
show examples
 enough knowledge about the product, they just watch the advertisement and
attracts
Wrong verb form
are attracted
show examples
 towards different beauty products. Every product has
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 own symptoms
Linking Words
nevertheless
Punctuation problem
; nevertheless
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 few individuals cannot understand because of illiteration.
This
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
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 creates several problems related to the skin.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is a
wastage
Check wording
waste
show examples
 of money.
For example
Linking Words
, branded clothes and cosmetics. These things are so expensive. In order to get these items, a lot of money is sufficient.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not affordable for everyone
mortal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, it weakens the quality of
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 youth. People would not only improve their external image but
also
Linking Words
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 their internal art.
For instance
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of skills. In conclusion, the aforesaid notion has advantages in terms of boosting confidence, looking beautiful and more
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, it has some disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as creating health issues, wasting money
etcetera
Punctuation problem
, etcetera
show examples
.

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grammar
Fix many grammar issues. Use simple sentence form and check subject-verb and plural forms.
coherence
Make ideas clearer in each paragraph. Put one main idea per paragraph and use linking words to join ideas.
content
Give correct, real examples and avoid strange claims. Keep ideas simple and true.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the topic.
structure
There is a clear plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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