IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #societies #consumer #goods #outweigh
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It is true some
individuals
Use synonyms
 in the present era live in societies where consumer goods are available in less than amount.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the paragraph.
Firstly
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, In our
societies
Add a comma
,societies
show examples
 everything is available at a cheap rate,
Although
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, It is a very good thing for every person who belongs to the middle class and
also
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 upper-class
people
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 earn a very low salary and can easily handle their expenses and save
money
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 for their future
as well as
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 they can take care of their parents.
Thirdly
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,
This
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 is very helpful in the study of children
such
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 as school fees
individuals
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 can not afford a lot of
money
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 spent on school fees or save
money
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 for their children.
For example
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, a number of
Individuals
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 are living in metropolitan cities for jobs and businesses for very small salaries but they only survive in the city because there are many
things
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 available at reasonable rates
Therefore
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, they can invest some
money
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 in a bank for a better life. On the second hand, there are many benefits of consumer goods at a cheap rate so that every person bought a lot of
things
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 sometimes they bought unnecessary
things
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while
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 they did not them needs, That's the reason some
people
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 faced difficulties in of shortage stock. So, It is a bad impact on some conditions
Correct word choice
apply
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while
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, the wealthy
people
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 bought many
things
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 for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 cheap price and the impoverishment class did not take any advantage of it.
For instance
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, the government provides plentiful schemes for improving
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
people
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such
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 as food
in
Change preposition
at
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 a very cheap rate but the richest
people
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 take
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 of the schemes because they have many links with
individuals
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. In conclusion , There are huge benefits and determinantal sides of life
Hence
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, I think
this
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 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
very good for
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays who live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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