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Band 6

Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #societies #consumer #goods #outweigh
It is true some
individuals
 in the present era live in societies where consumer goods are available in less than amount.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the paragraph.
Firstly
, In our
societies
Add a comma
,societies
show examples
 everything is available at a cheap rate,
Although
, It is a very good thing for every person who belongs to the middle class and
also
 upper-class
people
.
Secondly
,
people
 earn a very low salary and can easily handle their expenses and save
money
 for their future
as well as
 they can take care of their parents.
Thirdly
,
This
 is very helpful in the study of children
such
 as school fees
individuals
 can not afford a lot of
money
 spent on school fees or save
money
 for their children.
For example
, a number of
Individuals
 are living in metropolitan cities for jobs and businesses for very small salaries but they only survive in the city because there are many
things
 available at reasonable rates
Therefore
, they can invest some
money
 in a bank for a better life. On the second hand, there are many benefits of consumer goods at a cheap rate so that every person bought a lot of
things
 sometimes they bought unnecessary
things
while
 they did not them needs, That's the reason some
people
 faced difficulties in of shortage stock. So, It is a bad impact on some conditions
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
, the wealthy
people
 bought many
things
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cheap price and the impoverishment class did not take any advantage of it.
For instance
, the government provides plentiful schemes for improving
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
people
such
 as food
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very cheap rate but the richest
people
 take
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of the schemes because they have many links with
individuals
. In conclusion , There are huge benefits and determinantal sides of life
Hence
, I think
this
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
very good for
people
 nowadays who live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap.
Submitted by PREETY  on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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