IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that doing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 is the ideal way to let
children
Use synonyms
 learn how to collaborate. I can understand the benefits of
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, other methods are as good as or better than
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
show examples
 in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 to make
children
Use synonyms
 understand how to play a role with other
team
Use synonyms
 members. Playing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
, which has a lot of familiar elements
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 teamwork, needs
children
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 together to win the
game
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, during a basketball
game
Use synonyms
, pupils must pass the basketball to their
team
Use synonyms
 members so that people with open shots can get the score. In
this
Linking Words
 situation,
children
Use synonyms
 must
work
Use synonyms
 together to win the
game
Use synonyms
. If anyone wants to be the only hero in
team
Use synonyms
 competitions and tries hard to shoot the ball without collaborating with teammates, they may make their
team
Use synonyms
 lose the
game
Use synonyms
, making themselves the culprit of losing the
game
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 need to play different roles in a
sports
Use synonyms
game
Use synonyms
. When performing various functions within the
game
Use synonyms
, kids can learn to do their jobs well
while
Linking Words
 coordinating with others.
Thus
Linking Words
, letting
children
Use synonyms
 play
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 is a good way for them to understand collaboration.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some activities are more helpful for youngsters to gain knowledge of cooperation. Assigning students to
work
Use synonyms
 on
team
Use synonyms
 projects,
for instance
Linking Words
, is a popular and recognized way for schools to facilitate
children
Use synonyms
’s ability to
work
Use synonyms
 as a
team
Use synonyms
 because when they
work
Use synonyms
 on the projects, they need to discuss and arrange each one’s
work
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 improving their communication and coordination skills, which are essential elements for cooperation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, playing board games or acting in a drama together positively impacts teamwork skills. So, except for
sports
Use synonyms
 involving group participation, there are many engagements that benefit
children
Use synonyms
’s sense of teamwork. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 playing
team
Use synonyms
 games can help kids learn how to cooperate, I believe various ways can substitute it.
Thus
Linking Words
, we cannot just say it’s the best approach.
Submitted by victorhu3022 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure all examples are clear and directly relevant to the question. Review the task prompt to guarantee all aspects are addressed.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce a wider range of connecting words and cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas and coherence between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, incorporating more precise and sophisticated lexical choices to enhance the essay's overall quality.
grammatical range
Employ a wider variety of complex structures and grammatical forms to demonstrate greater fluency and accuracy in English.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: