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Band 6.5

OPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

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The
changes
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of
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in
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 family structure and family roles have become a major topic of concern in
modem
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modern
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 society. Some of the main
changes
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 will be identified, before an evaluation
on
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of
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 whether
this
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 is a positive or negative trend is made. A few drastic
changes
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 could be observed in
families
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 today. The most obvious one is the decreased size of
an
Correct article usage
the
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 average family in society. In Vietnam,
for example
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, a majority of extended
families
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 of three generations or more living under the same roof have been transformed into nuclear
families
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 with only parents and children.
In addition
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, there is
also
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 a significant change in terms of the roles of the father and the mother in a family. The responsibility of males as the sole breadwinner of the family has now been shared with their partners, and now women have equal working opportunities compared with their male counterparts.
Accordingly
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, household duties are
also
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 shared equally between the two sexes. I contend that
this
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 new family structure is without doubt beneficial for all
families
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. As regards the small family size, each family member could benefit from an increased sense of freedom.
For instance
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, parents have more time for themselves now, compared with the situation in the past when they had to bear the responsibility of taking care of both grandparents and children. With respect to the change in family roles, women may reap the benefit of having their own
career
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careers
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 and
thus
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 financial freedom. Men
also
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 gain from
this
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 change since they have been freed from the financial pressure of being the only source of income in the family.
To conclude
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, the most apparent
changes
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 in today’s
families
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 include a decreased family size and a shared financial and household responsibility of men and women. All the existing data have provided a concrete foundation that these
changes
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 are beneficial for all members of the family.

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task achievement
Try to provide more diverse examples from different cultures or backgrounds to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph has a strong topic sentence for enhanced clarity and flow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and focused introduction that outlines the main points effectively.
logical structure
Each paragraph presents ideas clearly with logical connections, contributing to overall coherence.
task achievement
The topic of changing family structures and roles is thoroughly addressed with specific examples, such as changes in family size and parental roles in Vietnam.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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