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Nowadays, celebrities are more known for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievement #sets #people
Nowadays, many
celebrities
 have become the object of young
people
’s crazy obsession. Even these
celebrities
 are famous for their personal charm and wealth, not
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ability. I agree with
this
 opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is likely to mislead young
people
 that it is easy to make money. In the following article, I will explain my thoughts by referring
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 disadvantages of celebrity fame . Idols usually
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 a lot of money in a very short period of time. I think many stars in today’s country there are only
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 appearance, but no ability to sing, dance, or act.
Although
 they have no ability, some crazy fans still buy accessories to make these idols get a high income.
However
,
situation
Add an article
a situation
show examples
 like
this
 often misleads some young
people
, making them have the illusion that they can all become as famous as them
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 just good looking.
This
 is a very terrible thing. We must let young
people
 be aware of the situation without taking
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of it. In real life, some of the
second generation
Add a hyphen
second-generation
show examples
 of stars are often famous for their wealth, but the wealth is left by the previous generation, not created by them, they just enjoy benefits.
This
 will
also
 lead some
people
think
Add the particle
to think
show examples
 that they can get rich without working hard, that’s what we usually say “pie in the sky”. I think everything is to rely on their own struggle. In conclusion, we shouldn’t be influenced by
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
. We should live our own life.
Also
,
celebrities
 must regulate their own words and deeds,
also
 act as role models.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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