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Band 5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries
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Purchasing items on the Internet namely, books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming increasingly common. In my opinion, the merits of online shopping outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 shopping through
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who buy things online are more vulnerable to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 victims
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cybercrime.
This
Linking Words
 is because some hackers can make fake online shopping websites.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can steal money from
people
Use synonyms
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
 using the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 or
visa
Fix the agreement mistake
visas
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, online shopping is
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
addiction .
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that online shopping is convenient and accessible, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
consum
Correct your spelling
consume
 goods they
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 do not need.
Consequently
Linking Words
, online shopping can have a negative
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
 on the environment, because the most of products produce result
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 deforestation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would like to argue that the benefits of online shopping
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
more far
Replace the words
farther
show examples
 than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. The first advantage,
online
Change preposition
of online
show examples
 shopping is convenience. To illustrate,
people
Use synonyms
 do not require to go to local shopping centers in order
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 purchase their things.
Thus
Linking Words
, online shopping can save a considerable amount of time for
people
Use synonyms
.
Allows
Wrong verb form
Allowing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 access to
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
 market is another advantage of online shopping.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can purchase items
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 books,
groceries
Correct word choice
and groceries
show examples
 through global markets namely, Amazon,
IHerb
Correct word choice
and IHerb
show examples
, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
people
Use synonyms
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to experience a wide range of goods
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 affordable.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, online shopping
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the shopping market more competitive, every
companies
Change to a singular noun
company
show examples
 will compete to provide
a better goods
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better good
better goods
show examples
 in order to gain
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 customers.
To sum up
Linking Words
, In my perspective, the upsides of online shopping
is outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the downsides
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 comfortable as
as
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
well
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 access to global markets.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
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