IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It has become a global scenario in recent times to do jobs for youngsters
while
Linking Words
 pursuing their studies. In spite of having some
,
Check wording
disadvantages, disadvantage
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disadvantage
Check wording
apply
show examples
there are more benefits to it.
To begin
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, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 some scope of benefits that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been marked for doing a part-time job.
Firstly
Linking Words
, part-time jobs make them understand the value of money and how
it is difficult
Correct word order
difficult it is
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 to earn it, which ultimately makes them financially independent.
For example
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, paying their university fees, mobile bills and other individual expenses, in some
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 cases
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 can contribute to the family income too.
Secondly
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, part-time service offers them to have more
practice
Replace the word
practical
show examples
 knowledge rather than only theoretical
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
.
For example
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, time management, a positive attitude and problem-solving skills
offer
Verb problem
help
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 them
to
Verb problem
apply
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make their future resume strong. Some
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 proved that
Correct article usage
an introvert
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introvert Yongerster
Replace the word
introverted younger person
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 has improved his social circle by just doing some extra work. Even though there are many benefits of a part-time job, there are
also
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 some disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 it. The main problem occurs with the spoiling of the study. It is obvious
extra
Correct word choice
that extra
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 activity needs both physical and mental strength, which leads to a bad effect on education.
In addition
Linking Words
, the income distracts them from their many
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 towards studies, which
guides
Verb problem
leads
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 them to poor future careers.
To sum up
Linking Words
, part-time work has both pros and cons. It makes the student financially independent and offers to enhance their knowledge. In terms of extra
income
Punctuation problem
income,
show examples
 it
too
Rephrase
also
show examples
 disturbs their study. I believe there are significant effects on students doing jobs.

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stance
Be clear about your view. Say if the good sides are bigger than the bad, and show this in your main line.
structure
Organize into clear parts: a short intro, 2-3 body paragraphs (one idea per paragraph), and a short conclusion.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Fix big errors, and choose simple, correct words.
content
Give firm examples with facts or numbers to back each point.
coherence
Use linking words to tie ideas. Words like firstly, next, also, but, however help flow.
content
The essay shows both sides (pros and cons).
example
You use some real examples such as fees and bills to show money work.
structure
The piece follows a clear intro-body-conclusion pattern.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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