An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with situation?

Nowadays, the most skilled professionals have been moving to
work
in developed
countries
from their underdeveloped
place
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places
show examples
,
it is clear that
a diverse range of motivations as wages, professional development,
employment
Correct word choice
and employment
show examples
lie behind
this
issue,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
are some ways to tackle
this
problem which I discuss in
this
essay later on. On the
one
hand, the main cause of brain drain is
wage
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wages
show examples
, since skilled individuals who
work
in health, science,
engineering
Correct word choice
and engineering
show examples
desire to get better income.
For instance
,
one
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in one
show examples
survey of final-year university science students in Macedonia, 91 % of all skilled students chose to move
rich
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to rich
show examples
countries
due
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apply
show examples
to earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
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money.
In addition
to
this
, professional development is another key factor for skilled migrants to go abroad, as they are able to get quality training courses and
also
expertise
scientific
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in scientific
show examples
experiments with the help of modern technology, which only developed
countries
have.
Such
as the Indian doctors and nurses have
plan
Wrong verb form
planned
show examples
to move
foreign
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to foreign
show examples
countries
to get jobs with better training opportunities and medical experience which are not available in their own country.
On the other hand
, there are
variety
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a variety
show examples
of ways to avoid
this
problem.
One
of them is
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
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apply
show examples
creating better fringe benefits for skilled people in their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
and
also
improving facilities and resources, which are so necessary for their
work
quality.
Furthermore
, companies should organize diverse holidays for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
employees and their family members.
As a result
, it might influence professionals’ accomplishments,
working
Correct word choice
and working
show examples
process
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processes
show examples
. In
this
situation, they do not think
to live
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about living
show examples
away from their friends, relatives and mother lands in order to have enough attention
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
their own
countries
. In conclusion, no
one
can ignore that wages and
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
show examples
to build
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
in developed
countries
are the main cause of
this
issue, but I believe, it might be better steps
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if poor
countries
create better fringe benefits and increase some facilities in companies,
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
skilled people
work
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing and connecting your ideas more systematically. Develop a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your main points. Additionally, use appropriate linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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