You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children

In the age of technology and development, it becomes impossible to abandon social networking sites. Some people think that media coverage of famous

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

is having a disadvantageous impact on children,

while

others differ on

this

matter. I completely agree that kids may be influenced by their favourite bloggers, and I will be discussing my point of view more in

this

essay.

Firstly

, since we were kids, we used to have a special person to act like, and to love.

Moreover

, platforms today affect youngsters and teenagers more than before, through the videos they display and their memes.

Therefore

, with these actions , the child just wants to become like his or her idol.

For instance

, when they go to school, all they need is to get the attention of all students.

Secondly

, teen boys or girls will be lazy in everything, especially in studying,

that is

because they clearly can see their celebrities gaining money and success without education.

Apart from

this

according to

the BBC News statistics, 70% of young age groups spend overtime on screens.

consequently

this

leads to wasted time and early health problems. In conclusion, whether you are young or an adult, websites have negative and positive impacts. The programs must be beneficial.

Instead

of posting dump things, what about sharing the struggle of the celebrities,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

might encourage individuals to work harder to be like them

Change the punctuation

show examples

We must know who we are following, in order not to affect us negatively, parents always should monitor their children's behaviour.

Hence

, be smart and a proper user.

Submitted by shireen.asadi on Tue Nov 21 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay has an adequate logical structure overall, but transitions between ideas could be smoother for enhanced readability.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are present, but make sure that they clearly outline the main points and summarise the argument.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with more specific and varied examples. This will strengthen the argument.

task achievement

The response to the task is relevant and the main idea is clear, but the focus should remain consistently on how the media coverage specifically affects children negatively.

task achievement

Develop ideas more comprehensively by exploring the impact of media on children in more depth. This could include psychological, social, or educational effects.

task achievement

Provide more concrete, specific examples to support your points. Use studies, statistics, or anecdotal evidence to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? You should write at least 254 words.

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

More and more people today expect to get what they want instantly (goods, services, news), without having to wait. Why is this? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?