Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that some
people
can achieve their goals mostly attributable to fortune
instead
of their own hard work.
however
, I completely disagree with
this
opinion. on the one hand, I believe that individuals need
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
clear targets and perseverance that can achieve their aims and become successful in whatever they do.
hard-working
Correct word choice
Hard work
show examples
people
usually attain their goals.
For example
,
steve jobs
Correct your spelling
Steve Jobs
show examples
spent thousands of hours coding and working to make Apple a huge success. Another example is Nick Vujicic a motivational speaker who suffered from a rare disorder
due to
the absence of four limbs, but with diligence and striving to learn new things, he gained degrees and now he is
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
around the world to inspire others by his example. there for
people
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
who work hard to achieve their success.
on the other hand
, it is true that whether someone can
gain
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
their aims or not does not depend on a fortune because we do not know exactly the time when
luck
comes,
people
waiting for
luck
to come leads to not only
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not complete their aims but
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
time-consuming and cause disappointed.
For instance
, in crucial exams, some students tend to go to the temple to pray for
luck
, but fortune does not come with them if they do not study hard.
Moreover
,
people
may be lucky occasionally, but if they rely on
luck
throughout their lives they will almost certainly be disappointed and time-consuming. in conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that just working hard to follow their passion till the end leads to success
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that add to the overall argument. Check the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Provide a stronger introduction that clearly addresses the prompt and a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay. Additionally, ensure that all paragraphs are focused on the main topic of the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure that the words chosen are appropriate and accurate for the context. Pay attention to word choice and the use of synonyms to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation usage. Vary the sentence structures to demonstrate a range of grammatical structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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