IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Write about the following topic: The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #world #work #employees #job #conditions #life #change #people #future
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Today, work environments tend to be more unstable than ever. Employees,
on the other hand
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, are sceptical about their future in
this
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 era of rapid change. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the possible causes for
this
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 phenomenon,
while
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 trying to propose some valid and reasonable solutions. The main causes of the recent rapid changes in the job market are technological advancements and machine-driven decision-making. With recent
advancements
Add a comma
advancements,
show examples
 mastery is becoming highly demanded in each working sector to maximize efficiency and productivity.
Therefore
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, manual labour is not that significant anymore.
This
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 situation is made worse because machine-driven decision-making is being substantially utilized to a point at which it overtakes the human role needed to perform both simple and complex tasks.
Thus
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, there is constant pressure on employees to update their skills, or they will be easily substituted. Good examples include programmers nowadays working in big corporations who seem overwhelmed by noticing their colleagues are easily dismissed.
This
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 has been confirmed by a recent study done in Switzerland which showed that the majority of the IT sector is leaning towards freelancing to avoid the uncertainty of the job market. Regarding possible solutions, probably the most immediate short-term solution would be to divert far more government funds into providing workers with comprehensive courses to obtain and reinforce their skills.
This
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 would not only reduce the mental burden induced by the ever-changing job demands but would
also
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 lower dismissal rates. A
further
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, longer-term solution might be to raise the level of public understanding of the need to focus on recently introduced jobs, especially in the technology sector. A campaign of education along these lines would gradually lessen the detrimental effects expected, especially if reinforced by incentives for developing personal skills, as we see being trialled in the UK at present.
Overall
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, the main problems are both recent developments and the integration of robots in working fields. The possible solutions involve more immediate investment in education and
also
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 encouraging long-term changes in career choices.
Submitted by besoyam on

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task achievement
For task response, ensure that you are fully addressing both parts of the prompt. While discussing causes and solutions, offering more depth and detailed insights can enhance your response. Also, try to provide a broader range of examples to demonstrate your arguments comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider working on smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. While your overall logical structure is quite good, some transitions between points could be more seamless to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea which is well supported. This will make your arguments more compelling and the essay easier to follow.
organization
The organization of the essay is well done with a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for the discussion.
support
The main points are well-supported and the essay contains relevant examples which help in illustrating the arguments effectively.
language
Your language and vocabulary use are strong, which helps in clearly conveying your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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