IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that to make healthy foods like fruits and vegetables more affordable, they should be subsidized by the government. Others believe that it is better to tax unhealthy foods. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #foods #fruits #vegetables #government #tax #option
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Nowadays, clean eating is becoming increasingly popular, and there is a debate about whether the
government
Use synonyms
 should subsidize organic
foods
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 or
tax
Use synonyms
 unhealthy
foods
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 to stimulate healthy eating.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind these two views and demonstrate my opinion. On one hand, some people believe that the
government
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 should be responsible for making fresh produce more affordable.
This
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 is because budget-friendly
food
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 will be an incentive that can encourage more consumption.
For example
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, in China, the authority has introduced community mobile grocery stores in several developed cities, which sell fresh vegetables and fruits at lower-than-average prices every morning.
This
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 is widely welcomed by the residents and is continuously popularized in cities that have high
food
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 prices.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some individuals, who think that imposing a
tax
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 on unhealthy
foods
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 is more effective. The reason they provide is that if non-basic grocery products are expensive,
then
Linking Words
 people may choose to consume more natural
foods
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Canadian
government
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 levies service and sales
tax
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 on processed
foods
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such
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 as snacks, prepared
foods
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 and so on.
Therefore
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, many Canadian families prefer to buy fresh produce and meat to make their own meals because
this
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 is more budget. In my opinion, the above methods are both good, but I think that providing cheaper healthy
foods
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 is more reasonable. Imposing a
tax
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 on processed
food
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 indeed can increase healthful consumption,
however
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, I believe
this
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 is disrespectful to
food
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 diversity, especially in those countries that have various ethnic groups.
Foods
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 that are considered unhealthy by some people might be nourishment for others. In conclusion, despite that taxing junk
food
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 is considered an effective way to increase healthy
food
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 consumption by some individuals, I personally support the view that the
government
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 can encourage more natural
food
Use synonyms
 shopping by assisting in lowering grocery prices.
Submitted by georgiana0818 on

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Task Achievement
To further improve, ensure all paragraphs are well-developed with clear topic sentences that directly support your thesis. Each idea introduced should be thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the question prompt for greater task response clarity
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion with a clear logical structure and the presence of an introduction and a conclusion. To refine further, consider varying your linking phrases more to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, giving a good overview of the essay's direction and summarizing your stance clearly.
Supported Main Points
You provided specific examples to support your main points, which greatly strengthens your argument and makes your writing more persuasive.
Logical Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs each discussing a unique viewpoint or part of the discussion, aiding in its readability and logical flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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