IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People believe that they should keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #tax
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It is argued sometimes that citizens should reserve their earnings and be exempt from tax-paying
obligation
Fix the agreement mistake
obligations
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.
While
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 I can understand the reason why
such
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 a claim is accepted by some people, I disagree with
this
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 proposal and I do believe that paying
taxes
Use synonyms
 is necessary and rewarding. On the one hand, I admit that it is understandable for individuals to propose keeping all their
money
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 without paying
to
Change preposition
apply
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their states.
Firstly
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, citizens ought to have the autonomy to manage their incomes as they earn them by themselves.
Secondly
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, with exclusive and complete dominance in their s, individuals' motivation to work and make
money
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 would be greatly stimulated.
Thirdly
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, citizens are under greater financial pressure and struggle to afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
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taxes
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 nowadays than before;
for example
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, they need to spend more savings
due to
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 the bills of housing, education, traffic, and healthcare,
such
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 a large amount of
money
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 has already accounted for the majority of their expenditure.
Therefore
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taxes
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 exert a heavier burden on their shoulders.
However
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, it is unreasonable to abandon
taxes
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 levy
and
Correct word choice
as
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 would cause many detrimental effects on the development of a nation.
To begin
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 with, if people's tax-paying obligation is
canceled
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cancelled
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, government organs will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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funds to operate, and
thus
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 not only progress in the field of people's livelihood may be blocked but
also
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 the society may fall into chaos.
Secondly
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, without taxation narrowing the financial gap between the rich and the poor, social inequity may be far more serious. It is foreseeable that wealthy ones would be wealthier and the needy would get poorer, which would trigger severe conflicts.
Last
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 but not least, compared to
government
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the government
a government
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 which allocates collected
taxes
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 properly and efficiently in the bigger picture for the sake of
the
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apply
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society as a whole, individuals spend all their incomes only
according to
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 their own will, which may lead to extreme waste of
money
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 and egoism. In conclusion, my view is that there are many reasons behind the preferences of cancelling taxation, but I would argue that it is detrimental and infeasible because of the severe consequences brought about.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
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