IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
An ideal
society
Use synonyms
 is something
that is
Linking Words
 often discussed among
people
Use synonyms
. Based on history, many attempts had been made to create a certain type of
society
Use synonyms
 that was believed to be the most ideal one in the past,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would end up in many failures to meet the expectations. In my opinion, an ideal
society
Use synonyms
 is a situation where
people
Use synonyms
 are safe and happy to live their daily lives. To make
this
Linking Words
 happen, everyone within the
society
Use synonyms
 has to work together to create the ideal
society
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
An ideal
society
Use synonyms
 is a
society
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 believed to have the best situation that benefits the
people
Use synonyms
 within the
society
Use synonyms
. In today's era where one can be easily involved in a criminal case, having a safe
environment
Use synonyms
 and surrounded by
people
Use synonyms
 who take care and respect each other would be the dream life of every
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can let their
children
Use synonyms
 play together outside of their houses without worrying about any accidents might happen. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the
children
Use synonyms
, or even the parents would have more opportunities to socialize with their neighbors and be happy. Without
this
Linking Words
, parents will keep their
children
Use synonyms
 inside and play with digital devices as they cannot play with the
children
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 other responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 situation will prevent
children
Use synonyms
's development and break the
trust
Use synonyms
 between
people
Use synonyms
 within the
society
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 would easily be wary and suspicious of each other.
Body · 2
Creating an ideal
society
Use synonyms
 where all
people
Use synonyms
 can live safely and happily would need lots of effort from many parties
such
Linking Words
 as the
people
Use synonyms
, the government, etc.
This
Linking Words
 might be the reason why the attempts to create an ideal
society
Use synonyms
 often failed in the past.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the best solution is to gain
trust
Use synonyms
 from each other. The
people
Use synonyms
 within the
society
Use synonyms
 must
trust
Use synonyms
 each other to create a positive
environment
Use synonyms
 to live in. The government has the biggest role in providing an
environment
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can
trust
Use synonyms
 each other better by developing a good system to support the safety, health, and well-being of the
people
Use synonyms
. When the
people
Use synonyms
 within the
society
Use synonyms
 are happy, safe, and healthy, it is more likely for them to feel more content and gain their
trust
Use synonyms
 towards each other. In
this
Linking Words
 particular
environment
Use synonyms
 where everyone feels supported and safe, the possibility of developing an ideal
society
Use synonyms
 will increase significantly.
Conclusion
In summary, despite all the failed attempts to create an ideal
society
Use synonyms
 in the past, I think the most ideal
society
Use synonyms
 is a
society
Use synonyms
 where the
people
Use synonyms
 are safe and happy. To create it, it is necessary for both
people
Use synonyms
 and government to work together and develop a safe
environment
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or real-life scenarios to strengthen your main points, as this can enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Using linking words or phrases can help connect your thoughts more cohesively.
task achievement
Try to address potential counterarguments or different perspectives on what constitutes an ideal society. This would add depth to your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have communicated your opinion on the ideal society effectively and related it to the importance of safety and happiness.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: