IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

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An ideal
society
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 is something
that is
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 often discussed among
people
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. Based on history, many attempts had been made to create a certain type of
society
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 that was believed to be the most ideal one in the past,
however
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,
this
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 would end up in many failures to meet the expectations. In my opinion, an ideal
society
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 is a situation where
people
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 are safe and happy to live their daily lives. To make
this
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 happen, everyone within the
society
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 has to work together to create the ideal
society
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. An ideal
society
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 is a
society
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that is
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 believed to have the best situation that benefits the
people
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 within the
society
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. In today's era where one can be easily involved in a criminal case, having a safe
environment
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 and surrounded by
people
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 who take care and respect each other would be the dream life of every
society
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.
For example
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,
people
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 can let their
children
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 play together outside of their houses without worrying about any accidents might happen. In
this
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 way, the
children
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, or even the parents would have more opportunities to socialize with their neighbors and be happy. Without
this
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, parents will keep their
children
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 inside and play with digital devices as they cannot play with the
children
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due to
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 other responsibilities.
This
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 situation will prevent
children
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's development and break the
trust
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 between
people
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 within the
society
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 where
people
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 would easily be wary and suspicious of each other. Creating an ideal
society
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 where all
people
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 can live safely and happily would need lots of effort from many parties
such
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 as the
people
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, the government, etc.
This
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 might be the reason why the attempts to create an ideal
society
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 often failed in the past.
Therefore
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, the best solution is to gain
trust
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 from each other. The
people
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 within the
society
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 must
trust
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 each other to create a positive
environment
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 to live in. The government has the biggest role in providing an
environment
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 where
people
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 can
trust
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 each other better by developing a good system to support the safety, health, and well-being of the
people
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. When the
people
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 within the
society
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 are happy, safe, and healthy, it is more likely for them to feel more content and gain their
trust
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 towards each other. In
this
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 particular
environment
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 where everyone feels supported and safe, the possibility of developing an ideal
society
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 will increase significantly. In summary, despite all the failed attempts to create an ideal
society
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 in the past, I think the most ideal
society
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 is a
society
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 where the
people
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 are safe and happy. To create it, it is necessary for both
people
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 and government to work together and develop a safe
environment
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or real-life scenarios to strengthen your main points, as this can enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Using linking words or phrases can help connect your thoughts more cohesively.
task achievement
Try to address potential counterarguments or different perspectives on what constitutes an ideal society. This would add depth to your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have communicated your opinion on the ideal society effectively and related it to the importance of safety and happiness.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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