IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some People believe that educational success depends on good teachers. Others think that its depend on the attitude of the students. Discuss Both Views and give your opinion.

#people #success #teachers #attitude #students
In
this
 cutting-edge era, a handful of individuals opine that without good
teachers
students
 can not be able to study and achieve
success
 in the educational
field
;
however
 , other people think that getting
success
 in the educational
field
students
' attitudes and behaviour
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more important. I agree with the latter viewpoint.
This
 essay is an attempt to delineate both the conflicting views
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. To embark with, there are many reasons why numerous masses believe that having good
teachers
 plays a vital role for
students
 in order to attain achievement. The predominant one is that as everyone knows
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
tutors not only have vast knowledge but
also
 experience. Learners can enhance their knowledge if they learn from
teachers
. They can teach every subject in detail to tutees. Which would be beneficial in order to acquire good marks in each subject. Without having good marks
students
 would not be able to get admission to a university or job. Mentors are well-educated, they already know about every concept and can teach
students
 in an easy way by which
students
' interests could be developed for doing
education
.
However
, I advocate those who think that educational
success
 relies on
students
' attitudes or behaviour.
Firstly
. Without having an
interest
 in anything no one can do in a better way like without
interest
 in studying
students
 cannot do
education
 in an effective way which could result negatively for them. If
teachers
 are good but
students
 do not want to do hard work at that time
teachers
 cannot do anything. Having an
interest
 in learners is essential for
getting
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
success
 in the educational
field
. In a survey conducted by USA in tertiaries 65% of mentees had no
interest
 in doing
education
 and they
got failure
Verb problem
failed
show examples
 in their courses. In conclusion,
although
 a plethora of masses think that
teachers
 play a vital role in
get
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
success
 in the educational
field
, I am in favour of those who believe that student's attitude is more imperative for attaining achievement in
education
.
Submitted by MANJOT on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and detailed analysis. Provide more comprehensive and elaborative ideas to fully address the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows some organization and coherence, but there are areas that lack clear transition and connection between ideas. Use more cohesive devices and linking words to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational success
  • necessary knowledge
  • effective teaching strategies
  • emotional support
  • self-discipline
  • fosters
  • real-world scenarios
  • synergy
  • passionate
  • skilled
  • motivated
  • disciplinary
  • educational ecosystem
  • cultivates
  • foundation
  • absorb
  • apply
What to do next:
Look at other essays: