IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
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It has always been argued that advertising plays an important role to buy something,
whereas
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 opponents consider that it is a usual thing that does not pay much attention to the customers. In my opinion, I favour the former perspective;
however
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,
this
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 essay shall dwell on both viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, the fundamental benefit of advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 have
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
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schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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, so it is
a
Change the article
apply
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better to buy new goods with the assistance of adverts as they may check feedback
of
Change preposition
on
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 the
products
Use synonyms
 and choose
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 one.
Moreover
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, individuals can save money
of
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on
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 commuting because when humans order any
types
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type
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 of product online, they provide free of cost delivery.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in India 65% of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to buy things by watching advertisements as they gain an authentic knowledge of
products
Use synonyms
 from advertisements.
On the other hand
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, some adverts display
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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products
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front
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in front
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 of the public which puts an adverse impact on
people
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's well-being
such
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 as when they represent body
products
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 facewash, soap and many more that
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 allergies to human beings.
Consequently
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, they become ugly.
For example
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, an article published by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 45% of
people
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 believe if anybody
want
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wants
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 to purchase
products
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 related to their body, they should directly visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the shops.
To conclude
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,
although
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 a few advertisements illustrate wrong information to the citizens for earning huge amounts of money, I personally think that it is an optimal way to buy things with the aid of ads as these days the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their work and advertising give facility of free delivery.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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