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Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is what type of road governments should develop. Now people are beginning to realize that they travel a lot
among
Change preposition
in
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 the cities,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of that they
need
Add the particle
need to
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 improve
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than the
roads
Use synonyms
. Personally, I tend to think that
roads
Use synonyms
 for daily
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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transports
Add a verb
transports are
transports were
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 more crucial than other public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is well known that people use their
car
Use synonyms
 every day to get their work or study place. What I mean here is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 purpose of using asphalt more frequently than
railways
Use synonyms
. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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that is
Linking Words
quality
Add an article
the quality
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 of asphalt sturdier than
railways
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,
moreover
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,
railways
Use synonyms
 are more expensive. A good case in point is asphalt
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
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 out for a long term,
while
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,
railways
Use synonyms
 need to be checked after some time.
Body paragraph 2
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 it can
also
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 be argued that
major
Correct article usage
a major
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 part of tourists prefer plain or
car
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 to get
their
Change preposition
to their
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 destination at the present time.
That is
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 to
say
Add a comma
say,
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 tourists are able to get anywhere more
rapid
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rapidly
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, meanwhile, by train they need about 3 days to get
.
Rephrase
there.
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Furthermore
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, using
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
the car
a car
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 for
trip
Correct article usage
a trip
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 is convenient. Take
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example, studies suggest that people prefer cars rather than
train
Correct subject-verb agreement
trains
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 to travel. Because
,
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apply
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 using your own
car
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 is more safely and
cheerfully
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cheerful
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that governments should spend money on
roads
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,
due to
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 the fact that it is more useful and cheaper.
In addition
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, public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 trams, buses, cars, and scooters can use
roads
Use synonyms
 too.

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Specific Examples
Work on providing clearer examples that directly support your main points. Including specific studies, data, or theoretical underpinnings could strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Introduction
Your essay introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. Defining your stance more explicitly here can guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Grammar and Sentence Structure
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Some sentences could be clarified or made more concise to improve overall readability.
Coherence
To enhance coherence, try to connect your ideas more explicitly. Use transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs, ensuring that each idea flows logically to the next.
Balanced Argument
You have presented a balanced view by considering both the advantages of road investments over railways, which helps in showcasing a critical understanding of the topic.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance that governments should focus on road infrastructure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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