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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the number of police officers in active service is decreasing. What do you think may be the reason for this? What effect this might have on society?

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Police
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officers
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 play a vital role in the well-being of society by helping to prevent crimes and enforce
law
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 and order in the community.
However
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, in some nations, the recruitment of
law
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 enforcement
officers
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 is diminishing day by day. Let's discuss more about the causes and consequences of the decrease in
police
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officers
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 in upcoming passages. To be honest, one of the significant reasons is the resignation and retirement of the
police
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 guards
due to
Linking Words
 a stressful, manpower-bearing, proliferating workload,
along with
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 deteriorating mental health.
Furthermore
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, unsupportive local elected officials and a corrupt bureaucracy added complications.
In addition
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 to the difficulty, there is an unspoken taboo against
police
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officers
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, like
police
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 brutality. The lack of transparency and accountability within
law
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 enforcement makes them distant from common people, which takes a toll on the mental health of
law
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officers
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.
As a result
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, all these issues have a negative impact on the public, which includes people feeling unsafe, increased crime rates, and an increase in corruption, which leads to an imbalance in society. Lack of
police
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 force results in crimes related to robbery, looting, drug dealing, human trafficking, etc.
Moreover
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, the government will face severe consequences regarding these issues, like political and religious conflicts that erupt among societies.
To conclude
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, a lack of
police
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officers
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 will become a serious problem in the
coming
Correct word choice
apply
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future, but at the same time, the government has to take effective measures to overcome
this
Linking Words
 situation.

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task response
Ensure that all points are directly related to the question being asked, and that all relevant aspects of the topic are covered thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally logically organized and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, some examples provided could be more closely linked to the main points.
lexical resource
A good range of vocabulary has been used, however, ensure to use specific, precise, and accurate vocabulary related to the topic throughout the essay.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a command of a range of grammatical structures and is generally accurate, but some sentences are overly complex and may lead to confusion or lack of clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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