IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the number of police officers in active service is decreasing. What do you think may be the reason for this? What effect this might have on society?

Police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in the well-being of society by helping to prevent crimes and enforce
law
Use synonyms
 and order in the community.
However
Linking Words
, in some nations, the recruitment of
law
Use synonyms
 enforcement
officers
Use synonyms
 is diminishing day by day. Let's discuss more about the causes and consequences of the decrease in
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 passages. To be honest, one of the significant reasons is the resignation and retirement of the
police
Use synonyms
 guards
due to
Linking Words
 a stressful, manpower-bearing, proliferating workload,
along with
Linking Words
 deteriorating mental health.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, unsupportive local elected officials and a corrupt bureaucracy added complications.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the difficulty, there is an unspoken taboo against
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
, like
police
Use synonyms
 brutality. The lack of transparency and accountability within
law
Use synonyms
 enforcement makes them distant from common people, which takes a toll on the mental health of
law
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, all these issues have a negative impact on the public, which includes people feeling unsafe, increased crime rates, and an increase in corruption, which leads to an imbalance in society. Lack of
police
Use synonyms
 force results in crimes related to robbery, looting, drug dealing, human trafficking, etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government will face severe consequences regarding these issues, like political and religious conflicts that erupt among societies.
To conclude
Linking Words
, a lack of
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 will become a serious problem in the
coming
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
future, but at the same time, the government has to take effective measures to overcome
this
Linking Words
 situation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan before you write. Start with a short intro that restates the task and your view. Then give two clear body parts: causes and effects. End with a short conclusion.
coherence
Make a clear order. Use a new paragraph for each idea. Use simple linking words: and, but, also, because, so.
content
Give more real life examples or facts to show each idea clearly.
vocabulary
Use only plain words. Avoid long phrases that are hard to read.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling, especially small errors in word form and article use.
content
The essay shows many ideas on both causes and effects.
coherence
There are links like as a result and in addition to connect ideas.
examples
Some examples are clear, such as robbery and drug dealing.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: