IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that animals should be kept in man-made cells. what are the disadvantages of keeping animals in Zoo ?

#people #animals #cells #zoo
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"Keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in zoos should happen"is a belief of some people. Actually, to my mind, there are some disadvantages, that are more harmful to
animals
Use synonyms
. Some all of the opinion, that visiting the
animals
Use synonyms
 that are kept in the zoo is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment.
That is
Linking Words
 morally wrong, because of the lack of any protection for them. It is that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in a cage can be endangered Worldwide because they do not allow life in their real habitat,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 led to habitat degradation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
survival
Correct article usage
the survival
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 of many species
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 related to other
animals
Use synonyms
, so if we want to keep them in zoos, we are a barrier to continuing their survival. Actually, we should question our no moral treatment.
Finally
Linking Words
, we are the culprit and we should be acceptable its consequences. In point of my view,
animals
Use synonyms
 are not people's entertainment. Especially, it led compel them to live in cages in Zoos. Actually,
maintenance
Replace the word
maintaining
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 is morally wrong, protecting them in a protected place, because of maintaining survival, is correct.
For instance
Linking Words
, when some species are declared extent of providing a professional place to keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 is necessary. Because it will be under
supervision
Add an article
the supervision
show examples
 advance medical knowledge, but we should avoid using them to perform medical tests. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of keeping is a moral treatment. In conclusion,
however
Linking Words
, the zoo is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 entertainment place for everyone, but we can consider
animals
Use synonyms
 right to enjoy seeing
animals
Use synonyms
 in their wildlife without any restriction.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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