IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that museums should be an enjoyable place to entertain people. While others believe the purpose of the museum is to educate. Discus both views & give your own opinion

#people #museums #place #purpose #museum #discus
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has always been argued that
museums
 ought to be an enjoyable location for individuals,
whereas
 opponents consider that
museums
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the only place where the population can get
knowledge
 about the historical period. In my opinion, I favour the latter perspective;
however
,
this
 essay shall dwell on both viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, the fundamental benefit of enjoying a place of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museum which entertain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the public is that if
museums
 give
source
Add an article
the source
a source
show examples
 of entertainment to humans, they may get earn huge amounts of money as the majority of
people
 love live enjoyable life and once they are available equipment of entertainment source, they would spend their capital on it for relaxation their mind.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in China Sheung Yiu Folk Museum provides facilities with the assistance of
this
people
 may entertain with acquire information.
On the other hand
, the purpose of the museum is to educate is that
people
 might get
knowledge
 about their forefather history how they face difficulties in their life and manage the expenses of daily life.
Moreover
,
people
 could connect with their roots if
museums
 only get authentic data
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a peaceful environment,
people
 may know their
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
.
For example
, an article published by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 70% of mankind learnt historical
knowledge
 from
museums
 that solely provide
knowledge
 related to history.
Due to
 the above-mentioned, I favour the same.
To conclude
,
although
people
 get
knowledge
 in an interesting way if
museums
 give
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 source of entertainment with education, I personally think that it totally distracts the mind, whilst when
museums
 give
knowledge
 only, they may attach to culture.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: