Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays young generations are adoring
media
and sports
stars
, despite the fact that they do not display a good example. I believe this
is a bad development because young people
could follow the negative influence of some media
and sports
stars
and it can affect their activities
in school
.
To begin
with, media
and sports
stars
tend to show inappropriate actions that can influence people
to do the same thing as they did, especially since most of the people
who were influenced by them are young people
. In order to make their ratings high, some media
broadcast hot gossip that could make people
interested in it and most of them are related to underage content
. For instance
, TikTok display
tiktokers that wore transparent clothes which are under age Wrong verb form
displayed
content
and it reach
2 million viewers. Wrong verb form
reached
As a result
, kids will be curious and start to search for the same content
which may lead to addiction to 18+ videos.
Furthermore
, some kids imitate the inappropriate habits and behaviour of their favourite athletes, and they depict actions that lead to a bad attitude in their school
activities
. For instance
, young people
are smoking in their school
area because they thought
that it is an awesome action to be shown and it will affect their studies and Wrong verb form
think
activities
because they have addicted to smoking. As a result
, schools will give heavy sanctions and worse they will drop out of school
.
In conclusion, media
and sports
stars
tend to give
a bad influence on young generations. It will start with curiosity and end in the addiction to underage Verb problem
have
content
. Some young people
may even imitate their bad actions such
as smoking, and as a ,result the activities
in school
will be disturbed and worse school
will drop out
them.Change preposition
apply
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed. Supporting points are provided but could be more detailed and connected.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt but lacks development and depth. The ideas presented could be more comprehensive and supported with relevant examples. There is room for improvement in fully addressing the task.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite