Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #media #sports #stars #development

Nowadays young generations are adoring

media

and

sports

stars

, despite the fact that they do not display a good example. I believe

this

is a bad development because young

people

could follow the negative influence of some

media

and

sports

stars

and it can affect their

activities

school

To begin

with,

media

and

sports

stars

tend to show inappropriate actions that can influence

people

to do the same thing as they did, especially since most of the

people

who were influenced by them are young

people

. In order to make their ratings high, some

media

broadcast hot gossip that could make

people

interested in it and most of them are related to underage

content

For instance

, TikTok

display

Wrong verb form

displayed

show examples

tiktokers that wore transparent clothes which are under age

content

and it

reach

Wrong verb form

reached

show examples

2 million viewers.

As a result

, kids will be curious and start to search for the same

content

which may lead to addiction to 18+ videos.

Furthermore

, some kids imitate the inappropriate habits and behaviour of their favourite athletes, and they depict actions that lead to a bad attitude in their

school

activities

For instance

, young

people

are smoking in their

school

area because they

thought

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

that it is an awesome action to be shown and it will affect their studies and

activities

because they have addicted to smoking.

As a result

, schools will give heavy sanctions and worse they will drop out of

school

. In conclusion,

media

and

sports

stars

tend to

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

a bad influence on young generations. It will start with curiosity and end in the addiction to underage

content

. Some young

people

may even imitate their bad actions

such

as smoking, and as a ,result the

activities

school

will be disturbed and worse

school

will drop

out

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them.

Submitted by starlegend218 on Sun Jul 16 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed. Supporting points are provided but could be more detailed and connected.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompt but lacks development and depth. The ideas presented could be more comprehensive and supported with relevant examples. There is room for improvement in fully addressing the task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

media personalities
sports icons
role models
admiration
influence
behavior
mindset
values
unethical behavior
healthy lifestyles
social media platforms
celebrity culture
career aspirations
educational goals
positive change
ethical standards
amplify
idolize
public perception
impressionable

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Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some universities students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some governments say how many children a family can hare in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree oe disagree with tgis opinion?

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? You should write at least 250 words.

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?