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Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
There has been a fierce debate
among
Change preposition
about
show examples
 whether
children
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
smartphones
 for long hours is a positive or negative
trendency
Correct your spelling
tendency
. I basically believe the advantages of
this
 development outshine the disadvantages of it, but we still cannot ignore the drawbacks that
smartphones
 bring to
children
. The reason why some
children
 spend
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
time
 on
smartphones
 may
results
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result
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology. It is more convenient for the younger nowadays to have
an
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apply
show examples
access to digital devices than before
,
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apply
show examples
 since it is common to have these gadgets in many families in modern society. Admittedly, spending too much
time
 on
smartphones
 may be responsible for several problems,
such
 as health issues. To illustrate, there is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 number of
people
 suffering from eye problems, which is
undoubtly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 caused by their habit of
overuse
Wrong verb form
overusing
show examples
 digital devices.
Besides
, using cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for a long
time
 makes it possible for kids to enjoy their childhood, since they are usually attached to the internet and ignore things that happen around them. Despite the disadvantages mentioned above, I still think that it is a positive trend that
children
 spend hours on their
smartphones
.
Firstly
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology developing
in
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at
show examples
 a high speed, only those
people
 who are
well equipped
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well-equipped
show examples
 with sufficient knowledge and have the ability to absorb new things quickly will be needed in the future.
Secondly
, since globalization has become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unpreventable development, having the skills to interact with
people
 from different cultures and countries became necessary as well, and I think that it is better to start training
this
 ability from childhood.
Smartphones
, which make it easier for
children
 to gain the newest information, serve as an important part
in
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of
show examples
 helping them
exploring
Change the form of the verb
explore
show examples
 the world.
For example
,
children
 are able to make friends through the internet, even though playing online games may give opportunities to
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 friends from different countries. In conclusion,
although
 many
people
 hold the idea that spending a long
time
 on
smartphones
 will have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
children
, I personally still believe that the pros of using these gadgets will
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
cros
Correct your spelling
cons
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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