IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

#pepole #teenagers #work #money #lessons #becom #sacrifice #rest #activities #discusee
A part-time job is common nowadays for every age group people. Many experts nowadays suggest that high
school
 students should take on a job after tuition hours so, they can understand the value of time and
money
 which is undeniably true in my opinion. But we may see there are certain side effects as well, the younger generation will waste their earned
money
 on unnecessary things.
Firstly
, as many suggest teenagers should put some effort into duties to earn
money
 after the academy, so they can be independent with their normal day-to-day expenses,
furthermore
, not rely on their parents or guardians for everything.
Moreover
, students will be able to utilise their free time by working in certain fields that would give them knowledge of what the future holds for them.
For example
, a high
school
 student can struggle at Walmart in the management department and learn management skills which they can pursue in university for
further
 studies. Moving on, as per reports by The GUARDIAN there are many backlash for allowing teenagers to endeavor after institute timings. Pupils who were working
instead
 of doing physical exercise or playing after their
school
 were deemed to be weak and they lacked many skills which could help them in their academics.
For example
, as per a survey by the same, 70% of the students who were working post-tuition scored fewer marks than those who didn't work. In recapitulation, I believe that it is important to work after
school
 so pupils can understand the value of time and
money
 at an early age.
Submitted by prajeshtrivedi94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: