IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #governments #care #environment #citizens
As
this
 is the era of global warming, environmental care is of utmost importance. Today, through
this
 platform, I am given a chance
of expressing
Change preposition
to express
show examples
 my thoughts on who should be responsible
to look
Change preposition
for looking
show examples
 after the environment. There are two schools of thought, one says that the government should be active in taking measures to secure it.
On the other hand
, the second is linked to the people.
According to
this
, people should individually be working. For the first point,
firstly
, the official environmental office should keep issuing relevant measures.
Secondly
, they should control the smoke coming out of diesel cars. For
this
, the people running
such
 vehicles should be banned and charged a heavy amount.
Thirdly
, fireworks usage should be stopped.
Moreover
, the top management should be taking care of extra usage of machinery that exhibits smoke and increases air pollution.
In addition
, dust and maintenance
while
 raining should
also
 be given a considerable amount of attention.
On the contrary
, the second way is associated with every resident. It is their responsibility to do whatever is required in their capacity. Individuals should avoid smoking because it affects seasons badly.
Moreover
, they should
also
 take care of extra utilization of air-conditioners and vehicles. They may
also
 go to nearby places by walking or cycling. I believe that it is not possible for one group to clear the environment. It is always a joint effort of both parties that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the best outcomes for a nation to protect itself.
Submitted by sadiakhan971 on

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extended
Task Response: The essay addresses the task by discussing both views and expressing an opinion. However, some points are not fully developed, and the conclusion lacks a clear restatement of the writer's opinion.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has an adequate logical structure but lacks clear transition words between points. The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly linked, and main points need stronger support and development.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental protection
  • grassroots movements
  • community-led initiatives
  • policy implementation
  • regulations
  • funding
  • innovative solutions
  • collective effort
  • advocate
  • enforce laws
  • energy-efficient
  • reduce waste
  • recycling
  • sustainable outcomes
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