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Band 6.5

The amount of time spent on traveling to work has significantly increased in the past few decades. Discuss the causes and effects of this situation, and provide possible solutions.

#amount #time #work #decades #effects #situation
In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a dramatic increase in the
time
 that
people
 have spent travelling to work.
This
 essay will look at some primary causes of
this
 trend and its effects and offer several feasible solutions to the problems. The main reason for the increase in
time
-commuting is the high price of accommodations in the city centres,
therefore
, many
people
 are unable to buy a house in those locations where their companies are located.
As a consequence
, they have to find a house or an apartment in distant places or in the suburbs which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a longer distance from their home to their workplace and the
time
 for travelling
also
 rises.
By increasing
Change preposition
Increasing
show examples
 the amount of
time
 on travelling causes various negative effects on
people
's lives and the environment.
This
 is because workers have to spend more
time
 driving cars, motorbikes or sitting in buses, or trains. That amount of
time
 is wasted
instead
 of doing other activities
such
 as reading books or learning more things.
Moreover
, a longer distance from their place to work causes more emissions from transportation that directly contribute to air pollution and global warming.
However
, there are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problems mentioned above.
Firstly
, it is necessary for the government to relocate companies and businesses to rural or suburban areas.
People
 can have more chances to buy or rent a house or room at a reasonable price,
therefore
, the travel
time
 to work will be reduced.
Secondly
, more money should be invested in transport infrastructure to enhance public transport systems that encourage travellers to use them, as the increase in public transport would reduce exhaust fumes from private vehicles and help in the effort to protect our environment. In conclusion,
although
 travel
time
 between home and workplace has risen in recent decades causing several problems for individuals and the environment, the government should take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 to tackle these issues.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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task response
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the causes, effects, and solutions related to the increase in time spent traveling to work.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main points with relevant examples, and a conclusion that summarizes the key points. The ideas are logically presented and linked together, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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