IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an undeniable fact that people’s dependency on
computers
Use synonyms
 has surged for communications, medical and busses or train facilities in today’s era.
This
Linking Words
 dependency can lead to some disadvantages. I agree with the notion that
computers
Use synonyms
 are useful in daily life but there are some demerits of using them.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first and foremost reason for the operation of
computers
Use synonyms
 is that they are useful in our daily life routines. People can use them for chatting with their long-distance friends in every corner of the world.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can remain in touch and do not feel loneliness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people can use them to watch the time of their buses, trains and planes. They can book tickets for their travel with the help of
computers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend is living abroad. We communicate with each other with the aid of applications that are available on laptops.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some cons if individuals do not operate them in a proper way.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with the excessive use of laptops, folks are facing the problem of weak eyesight because they are continuously watching at their screens which produces harmful rays that are dangerous for the eyes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are some schools that start teaching students with the assistance of
computers
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, by having online classes. Pupils do not interact with each other and are lacking the social skills.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are numerous sectors in which
computers
Use synonyms
 are very helpful
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, education and transport and folks are using them in their daily lives. But, the excess operation of them sometimes can be harmful for them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear structure throughout, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This was managed exceptionally well, making your argument easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Maintain focus on providing specific examples to support your points. Your essay did a great job in illustrating your arguments with meaningful examples.
Language
Be mindful of the accuracy of expressions and vocabulary. While minor inaccuracies were noted, they did not detract from the overall quality of the essay. Striving for accuracy in language use will enhance your writing even further.
Content
The essay effectively outlines benefits and drawbacks of computer technology in various sectors, offering a balanced view.
Examples
Use of examples, such as communicating with a friend abroad, enriches your argument and illustrates practical applications of computer technology.
Conclusion
Your conclusion efficiently summarizes the essay, reinforcing your perspective without introducing new information.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: