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Band 5

In spite of tthe advances made in agricultre, may people aound the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this probem?

#spite #tthe #advances #agricultre #people #aound #world #case #probem
Numerous individuals around the world still starving, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advancement created in
agriculture
.
This
 essay will elaborate
Change preposition
on a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 primary reason why it is happening and will try to offer solutions.
To begin
 with, the fundamental factor why many people
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from famine is
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 geographical location. Some
countries
 that suffer from famine are mostly located in dry
continent
Fix the agreement mistake
continents
show examples
 or in desert areas.
Agriculture
 and
crops
 like grains cannot
plant
 in the area because they need good soil to cultivate.
For example
, Ethiopia is a desert country
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 most of
inhabitants
Correct pronoun usage
its inhabitants
show examples
 suffer from hunger.
This
 is because they cannot
plant
crops
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the land, and they just rely on their meals
import
Wrong verb form
imported
show examples
 from other
countries
.
Althouogh
Correct your spelling
Although
 there are many
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
show examples
technology
discovery
Fix the agreement mistake
discoveries
show examples
 in
agriculture
, the
technology
 cannot use in the area.
On the other hand
, there are possible solutions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be offered to tackle the issue.
Firstly
, rich
countries
 can support
foods
 to help
countries
 that suffer from
starving
Replace the word
starvation
show examples
. They can provide grain, flour, or other
foods
 to deliver to the impacted
countries
.
Moreover
, developed
countries
 are usually the country that created the
technology
 in
crops
. They should create a
technology
 that can be implemented
crops
Change preposition
in crops
show examples
 in dry soil. It would be beneficial from
countries
 in Africa and it
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to be
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 to
plant
 their source of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
To sum up
, the advancement of
technology
 in
agriculture
 cannot solve the hunger problem.
This
 is because
crops
 cannot
plant
 in a certain location like
dry
Add an article
a dry
the dry
show examples
 continent.
Thus
, wealthy
countries
 should support their
foods
 and can create an invention to apply
crops
Change the noun form
crop
show examples
technology
 in the desert land.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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