IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevent examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #relevent
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There is an opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and beverages
contain
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 influence on
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health.
Peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
 should choose products
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
 natural
sugar
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 decrease
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. I totally agree with the statement and strongly believe that many of us should take
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
control of what
they
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 eat. Sugars are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple carbohydrate that provides
calories
Use synonyms
 for your body to use as energy. They are divided
on
Change the preposition
into
show examples
 two categories: first
one
Use synonyms
 is
natural
Add an article
a natural
the natural
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 found in whole, unprocessed foods
such
Linking Words
 as fruit, vegetables, dairy, and some grains.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 is added
sugar
Use synonyms
 found in processed foods and drinks. It
also
Linking Words
 includes
sugar
Use synonyms
 you add to foods at home. Added
sugar
Use synonyms
 provides little to no nutritional value but much energy value because
sugar
Use synonyms
 itself is high in
calories
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 scientific research eating food and drink products
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
 high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 can lead to health problems
for example
Linking Words
 obesity, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.
Hence
Linking Words
 to reduce risks associated with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
 everyone should replace added
sugar
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 food containing natural
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that we would feel the taste of sweetness which has
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 our mood, but without no harm to
health
Correct pronoun usage
our health
show examples
 by adding extra
calories
Use synonyms
.
Personally
Add a comma
,Personally
show examples
 I have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience in cutting up candy, baked goods, and dairy desserts and stopped drinking juices. At
first
Add a comma
,first
show examples
 it seemed to me that I became more hungry and felt a lack of sweets But
then
Linking Words
 I added more fresh fruits and dried fruits and
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
 changed. After
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 weeks I lost 5 kilograms
began
Correct word choice
and began
show examples
 to feel better. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I want to admit that many people love
sugar
Use synonyms
 and eat too much of it.
However
Linking Words
, for staying healthy all of us should limit
ours
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 to no more
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
% of
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 total daily
calories
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mchist on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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