IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are thae main effects of this epidemic?

#people #thae #effects #epidemic
Today more
people
 are overweight than ever before is becoming more widespread in many parts these days.
This
 essay will examine the causes as well s the effects related to
this
 tendency. There are a variety of different causes for
this
 matter.
To begin
 with,
people
 eat too much fast food with high calories, too much sweets.
For
example
, when life is busy, most students or young
people
 choose fast food as pizzas, hamburgers, fried chicken, and milk teas… replace a main meal. Another contributing factor to mention is the lack of physical training, seldom exercises physical.
For
example
, some
people
 are not interested in doing exercises, laziness is pervasive, most of them
don’t
 like when they do exercises
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
don’t
 care about their bodies. Unexpectedly, there are some to be taken into consideration. The first and most important is that easy to disease heart
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and get high cholesterol, maybe be a reason to reduce life expectancy.
For
example
, when some
people
 are overweight, they can get easy to diseases of heart compared with
people
don’t
 overweight, or when they are overweight they will get high cholesterol in their blood. Another effect no less important is that they
don’t
 have well built.
For
example
, if they are overweight they will
don’t
 have
well built
Add a hyphen
well-built
show examples
 maybe say oversize compared to
people
 who are well-built. In conclusion, being overweight is a big problem that affects a lot of
people
 nowadays. It’s mainly caused by the daily routine eat and doing exercise. From what has been discussed, overweight it is advised that
people
 need to reduce their use of fast food, and high more exercise.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: