There is a moral necessity today for the richer countries of the world to help the poorer countries develop in terms of feeding the population, education and health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is richer countries of the world help poorer countries in various terms like
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
education and health care. Now people are beginning to realize that the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
majority
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
lie
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
richer countries and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
morally they have to help them. Personally, I tend to think that
this
necessity
highly
Add a missing verb
is highly
show examples
significant and useful in our world, because nowadays really hard to live
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
regions which
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not enough money.
Firstly
, it is well known that all nations associate with each other in different terms. One of the main reasons behind
that is
deficiency in one country
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
an impact on other states too. A good case in point is when in January
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
2022 in Kazakhstan was a rally, about increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
of gas.
Furthermore
, when people began to attack, the folk
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
helped our union with the number of constructed army was Russia. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, it can
also
be argued that there are
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
which have
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money, but not
great
Change the article
a great
the great
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population.
That is
to say poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
could have sent people for work to land where they can live better, and
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
poverties can earn money. Take
for example
, Aktau is city where my family moved from Shymkent,
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
my father's work. After arriving
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Aktau our family's condition has improved. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that apply helping
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other, we can support our condition in terms
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
number of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the world.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Provide a clearer response to the prompt by presenting a clear opinion and discussing both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are linked coherently throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Work on expanding your range of vocabulary and using more precise and varied language to convey your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Make sure to pay attention to sentence structure, verb tense agreement, and punctuation for clearer expression of your ideas.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral necessity
  • global solidarity
  • affluent
  • food security
  • global stability
  • poverty reduction
  • global health standards
  • economic instability
  • inequality
  • non-intrusive
  • sovereignty
  • autonomy
  • self-reliance
  • sustainable development
  • international cooperation
  • transparent
  • accountable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: