IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#countries #people #age #jobs #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has always been argued that in a few parts of the nation getting occupations are hard for older
people
Use synonyms
 despite they are perfect in the field.
This
Linking Words
 essay will not only elucidate the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 statement but
also
Linking Words
 scrutinize how it can be solved in subsequent paragraphs. Foremost, the fundamental cause why it can be too difficult for individuals who are over the age of fifty to get good jobs is that in some countries, industries and factories take condition only young
people
Use synonyms
 get occupation as they have more energy as compared to old one with the assistance of
this
Linking Words
 they may earn huge amounts of money because they would do
work
Use synonyms
 swiftly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, up to 50 aged
people
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack innovative ideas, so companies prefer to hire young workers as they have knowledge about modernization and learn easily how to
work
Use synonyms
 with machines.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in America all
work
Use synonyms
 are done by machines;
therefore
Linking Words
, companies give jobs to the young generation because of their sharp mind. Despite the above-mentioned, there are some solutions. If companies and industries give
work
Use synonyms
 to young
people
Use synonyms
 no doubt, they do
work
Use synonyms
 faster than older ones,
whereas
Linking Words
 they do not look which is the best way to complete the
work
Use synonyms
 they only focus do quickly.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it puts an adverse impact on the growth of the business,
hence
Linking Words
 elder
people
Use synonyms
 are a good option in each and every domain because they have patience and experience.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, once organizations provide information about the uses of technology, they would
also
Linking Words
 do it.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 older aged
people
Use synonyms
 do not have much power and less information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 using technology, there are some ways to address these
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 do
work
Use synonyms
 slowly, but they will not errors and if they have knowledge about the uses of machines, they easily use them.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • bias
  • stereotype
  • tech-savvy
  • adaptable
  • retraining
  • upskilling
  • employment regulations
  • job options
What to do next:
Look at other essays: