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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts give information about visitors to the US from different countries from 1988 to 1992.

The pie charts give information about visitors to the US from different countries from 1988 to 1992.
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 visiting the US from various nations between 1988 and 1992.
It is clear that
Linking Words
; the percentage of visitors from
Canada
Use synonyms
 and Others decreased steadily,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for Chinese tourists grew significantly during the period. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that the proportion of Canadians accounted for the highest for most of
period
Add an article
the period
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. In 1988, there was more than half of travellers to the US were from
Canada
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for Mexico just only a fourth of that.
However
Linking Words
, the data for China and Other countries stood at low rates, just only 10% and 12% respectively. A
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
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 increase of 18% was seen in the number of Chinese people between 1988 and 1990.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the data for the remaining countries declined, with the largest drop in
Canada
Use synonyms
, by 10%. From 1990 and 1992, there was a continued plummet to 4% in the percentage of tourists from
Canada
Use synonyms
. At the same time, the statistics for Other countries
also
Linking Words
 dropped by 5%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, China saw a considerable increase, peaking at 30%,
whereas
Linking Words
 Mexico’s figure came back to more than one-fourth in the
last
Linking Words
 year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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