A recent newspaper article reports that a 14 year old boy, who seriously damaged his school, got a punishment to clean streets instead of being sent to the prison. Do you think young criminals should be sent to prison or should alternative forms of punishment be used?

It can see an upward trend for youth crime in many countries, which has caught the public's attention.
Therefore
advocates opine that it is better to put teen offenders behind bars.
However
, from my perspective, there are better measures to punish juvenile criminals,
instead
of imprisonment. Alternative punitive methods like community service are more effective than confinement if young offenders are strictly supervised. Juveniles have a highly impressionable mind and they easily get influenced by their companies.
For example
, they are more likely to be accompanied by adult criminals who are professional and experienced in jail,
therefore
they may be induced to commit
severer
Correct your spelling
severe
show examples
crimes later.
Moreover
, they are at an exceptionally high risk of getting treated violently
while
serving a sentence. Jail terms may harden
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convict
Fix the agreement mistake
convicts
show examples
against society
as a result
of the brutal treatment they might receive.
Consequently
, it might not be the most effective way to reform juvenile criminals.
By contrast
, if the young law-breakers can serve the community rather than being imprisoned, they are able to embrace an opportunity to rehabilitate.
On the other hand
, after being published for breaking laws, they will have second thoughts before
recommitting
Verb problem
committing
show examples
crimes.
Furthermore
, a criminal record can make
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
difficult to land a decent job after being released, which, in a bid to make a living, could be a major contributor to reoffending. After all the aim of the punishment per se is to deter the youth from engaging in delinquencies and violating laws, which should be implemented wisely. In conclusion, juveniles are too young to have a deep understanding of the repercussions of criminal acts, most of which
thus
are hormone-fueled and unintentional
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
are worth forgiving. Under no circumstance do we take the prison sentence as the only way to prevent juvenile crimes, yet more alternatives should be taken into consideration.
Submitted by 76805977 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. This will enhance the credibility of your points and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear progression of ideas throughout your essay. Connect your ideas logically to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • juveniles
  • delinquency
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • impact
  • consequences
  • community service
  • restorative justice
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!