IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #robbery #attack #adults
Some individuals argue that children under 18 should be sentenced in the same way as adults who committed serious sins
such
 as stealing or causing extreme physical threats. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
 concept.
This
 essay will analyse the difference between my viewpoint and the title.
Firstly
, Some people agree with the statement that crimes cannot be ignored even if a teenager commits them. As a matter of fact, children usually follow other people and they are unaware of the effect of their actions.
For example
, A 16-year-old driver causes the hit-and-run by ramming his car into a mother and an infant child.
Accordingly
, guilt should be prevented, so it will not spread.
On the other hand
, Some citizens have an opposite view of the statement, because they completely appreciate the consequence of the determination. Everybody needs one chance to prove themselves.
Therefore
, punishment may not only be the present of innocence but
also
 the future. Most of the mistakes just happened simultaneously.
For instance
, as per an inspection, it is believed that the human soul is innocent, day by day, it may be threatened for some reasons. It is based on every personality that they want to become. Their soul will be turned into bad because of the harsh treatment.
Thus
, the youth of the country may have at least one chance so they can improve themselves In conclusion,
although
 offences ought not to be avoidable, There should be different punishments for adults and underage personalities.
Submitted by Alexandre Harvey on

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task achievement
In terms of task achievement, the essay attempts to respond to the prompt, but it lacks clear and comprehensive exposition of ideas. The writer's position is stated but not developed with sufficient clarity or detail. To improve, each argument should be expanded with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to substantiate them.
coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, the essay presents ideas in a generally organized manner, but the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs could be enhanced. To achieve a better score, focus on creating smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, coherence can be improved by consistently reinforcing the thesis throughout the essay, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports the overall position.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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