IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry payment and land. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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It is an irrefutable fact that, in the contemporary
world
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, agriculture plays a crucial role in the survival of individuals.
Although
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, in the present
world
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 lot of methods are used to increase the
land
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 production capacity, many people around the
world
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 still face hunger.
Such
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 a trend
,
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apply
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 brings about various issues, which demand immediate consideration.
This
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 essay will analyze the reasons and the solutions for
this
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 trend
along with
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 examples in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are several reasons why advancement in agriculture has become
such
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 a significant issue. One of the main causes is cultivation technologies, the use of new cultivation machines to save the total cost of plantation is pressing and affects the environment and public at the major level. These techniques reduce the demand for human labour, which contributes to a high unemployment rate,
as a result
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, people have no money to buy food.
In addition
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 to that, nowadays farmers are using a huge number of chemicals on the
land
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, these factors are highly contributing to soil erosion, and
due to
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 that, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge reduction in the
land
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 production capacity.
For instance
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, as per the research by Cambridge University, 35%
land
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 of in the
world
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 is useless now because of soil erosion and
this
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 happens because of high advancement in the agriculture sector after 1998. Despite these challenges, effective solutions can be implemented to mitigate these problems.
However
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, certain measures are suggested to counter the escalation of
this
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 trend.
To begin
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 with, the best solution for
this
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 problem is strict policies of government. To explain, authorities need to make some rules which limit the use of chemicals on the
land
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while
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 plantation of different crops.
For example
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, in India, if any farmer uses more than one pack of urea in 1 acre are accountable for a huge fine and punishment.
Moreover
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, different researches need to be conducted which can be helpful to grow the
land
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 capacity.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the use of different machines and dangerous chemicals on the
land
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 creates huge hindrances for human beings, but implementation g proposed solutions like problem guidelines and research, definitely
help
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helps
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 us to overcome these setbacks.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction sets a clear context and outlines the key arguments that will be addressed. The current introduction could be more precise in stating that the essay will discuss both reasons and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger connection between your paragraphs for a smoother flow. For instance, use linking phrases to connect the issues with the solutions more clearly.
task achievement
Refine the explanation of your points to make them clearer and more comprehensive. For example, elaborate on how soil erosion contributes directly to hunger and link it to the overarching topic of food scarcity.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the key issues contributing to the problem of hunger, such as unemployment due to mechanization and soil erosion due to chemical use.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, like the Cambridge University research and Indian policies on chemical use, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear separation of problems and solutions, which showcases a logical organization.
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