IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this notion.

#people #music #cultures #ages #notion
This
 chart shows a
comparing
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 between
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
 of populations in India and France during the Period 1984.
Overall
, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lower
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 for men in France was approximately 1.5 per cent in 1984,
while
 India had the higher number of males with (7) per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
 who were aged between (0-5) years. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Females in France their ages were running between 30-35 with almost 4 per
cents
 Male Who are aged
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10-35 years were approximately
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 in
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 which is 3,75 and 4 . About India, males and females who were
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the age 70 were very close in the numbers it is around 1 and
half
Change the article
a half
show examples
 per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
.
While
according to
 What is shown
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both groups of females and males were increasing steadily from the old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 until the
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 with I to 7 Per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
.
recrectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
Submitted by jumana.fareed.2005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: