Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is a good thing

Overspending is very common nowadays as many individuals buy items may they not necessary
as well as
rechange old ones with the newest ones. The real reason behind the higher proportion of consumerism is
advertisements
which make artificial wants for many
products
. In my opinion,
this
behaviour is not
good
Rephrase
as good
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as making a throw-away society. One of the most crucial drivers that encourage
people
to buy more is a lot of adverts that tempt them to make more and more expenditures. In fact, some smart and fascinating
advertisements
create artificial needs for some
products
and in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
individuals always continue buying new things that may
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not very essential in reality.
Furthermore
,
people
prefer having a new version of every product to be up-to-date.
For example
, most
people
prefer to replace the oldest versions of some electronic gadgets with the latest version even though the oldest ones
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
still
performed
Wrong verb form
perform
show examples
well. Nowadays, individuals have an addiction to afford the newest
products
. Overspending can cause many financial problems. In fact, a higher rate of consumption leads
people
to fall into heavy debt.
Hence
, unessential buying poses financial strains and allows more
people
to get into debt.
This
behaviour is totally not very good and
people
should be taught to make responsible financial activities. It is very crucial for
people
to be more aware of fake
advertisements
and be taught to only buy the
products
that really need them. In conclusion, consumerism is highly increased
according to
the pivotal role of
advertisements
. Overconsumption causes many financial problems and
hence
I believe
this
trend is not very good.
Submitted by fmalquran112 on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the prompt. Also, make sure to express your opinion clearly in the introduction and develop it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay effectively with clear paragraph structure and logical progression of ideas. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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