IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is a good thing

Overspending is very common nowadays as many individuals buy items may they not necessary
as well as
Linking Words
 rechange old ones with the newest ones. The real reason behind the higher proportion of consumerism is
advertisements
Use synonyms
 which make artificial wants for many
products
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 behaviour is not
good
Rephrase
as good
show examples
 as making a throw-away society. One of the most crucial drivers that encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to buy more is a lot of adverts that tempt them to make more and more expenditures. In fact, some smart and fascinating
advertisements
Use synonyms
 create artificial needs for some
products
Use synonyms
 and in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 individuals always continue buying new things that may
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not very essential in reality.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer having a new version of every product to be up-to-date.
For example
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to replace the oldest versions of some electronic gadgets with the latest version even though the oldest ones
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
still
performed
Wrong verb form
perform
show examples
 well. Nowadays, individuals have an addiction to afford the newest
products
Use synonyms
. Overspending can cause many financial problems. In fact, a higher rate of consumption leads
people
Use synonyms
 to fall into heavy debt.
Hence
Linking Words
, unessential buying poses financial strains and allows more
people
Use synonyms
 to get into debt.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour is totally not very good and
people
Use synonyms
 should be taught to make responsible financial activities. It is very crucial for
people
Use synonyms
 to be more aware of fake
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and be taught to only buy the
products
Use synonyms
 that really need them. In conclusion, consumerism is highly increased
according to
Linking Words
 the pivotal role of
advertisements
Use synonyms
. Overconsumption causes many financial problems and
hence
Linking Words
 I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend is not very good.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the prompt. Also, make sure to express your opinion clearly in the introduction and develop it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay effectively with clear paragraph structure and logical progression of ideas. Use linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: