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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows data about underground railway system in six major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in million

The table shows data about underground railway system in six major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in million
#data #railway #system #six #cities #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #million
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The table illustrates figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
underground
Add an article
the underground
show examples
Use synonyms
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
show examples
 with
date
Correct article usage
the date
show examples
 opened,
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
 and
number
Use synonyms
 of
passenger
Change to a plural noun
passengers
show examples
 per
year
Use synonyms
 in six different cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that among
six
Correct article usage
the six
show examples
 cities,
Use synonyms
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 station in Tokyo was the most popular
while
Linking Words
 the only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smallest
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 was recorded
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Kyoto
Railway
Use synonyms
. In terms of
Date
Correct article usage
the Date
show examples
 opened. London station launched the earliest among all
while
Linking Words
 the newest
railway
Use synonyms
 was in Los Angeles which just opened in 2001. Other cities both
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar date of
open
Replace the word
opening
show examples
 in the 19th .
London
Change noun form
London's
show examples
underground
Capitalize word
Underground
show examples
 system led the top
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Add an article
the route
a route
show examples
 by 394 km.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 Paris, Tokyo and Washington DC
kilometres
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 gone ranged
around
Change preposition
from around
show examples
 120 to 200 km.
However
Linking Words
, the least
number
Use synonyms
 of
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
railway
Use synonyms
 received by Kyoto city and Los Angeles, by 11% and 28% respectively. Regarding the
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
, Kyoto and Los Angeles station
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the least popular compared to
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 when registered only 45
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and 50
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, big
number
Use synonyms
 of people preferred
Use synonyms
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 in Paris (1191
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
) and Tokyo (1928
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
).
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, kilometres, number, year, passengers, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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