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Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their and attention to studying for qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #attention #qualification
Some people often argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
students
 of higher Institutes should learn non-
subject
 areas as well other than their major field
while
 others argue that they should solely focus on their major. In my point of view, it is better to study other
subjects
 as well because it helps
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 mindset and ultimately, it improves the
knowledge
 of the
students
.
To begin
 with, mental stability is one of the key
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
 for
University
students
 to concentrate on their work.
Keep focusing
Verb problem
Focusing
show examples
 on and learning the same principles and theories will lead to complete
Replace the word
exhaustion
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exhausting
Replace the word
exhaustion
show examples
 and
consequently
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will reduce the productivity and efficiency of pupils.
Therefore
, it is necessary to move the mind
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a totally opposite activity in order to release
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress, especially for a different
subject
. After engaging with that for a couple of hours,
then
 the student can come back to the usual stuff.
For example
, a recent study done by a group of
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 revealed that
,
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apply
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 shuffling the different
subjects
 and learning had
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact on the productivity of
students
 compared with the ones who did the same task for the same period of time.
Secondly
, learning about different areas rather than restricting to a certain
subject
, significantly Improve
knowledge
 which is essential for a
university
 student. it is not necessary to go into deep but it is required to have a
surface level
Add a hyphen
surface-level
show examples
 idea on different aspects. It has become apparent that, generally,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sees the undergraduates as a bunch of
knowledge
 and in social situations, if an undergraduate reflects a
knowledge
 barrier, it is not good for the entire higher education system.
For instance
, one of the medical faculty
students
 from
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of California had a chance to
exploring Egypt
Replace the word
explore the Egyptian
show examples
 pyramids because of his great
knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 history though his major was medicine. in conclusion, some people say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 academic
students
 should learn
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
 as well apart from the major
subjects
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others say that, they must learn only
subjects
Correct article usage
the subjects
show examples
 required for their qualification.
However
, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University
students
 must learn
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
 as well
in addition
 to their usual components because it helps to keep
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 mindset and it enhances the
knowledge
 of the
students
 as well.
Submitted by nipunianudhika1111 on

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task response
Make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your introduction should clearly outline the perspectives you will discuss as well as your own stance. Your conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your sentences flow logically from one to the next. Use linking words effectively to create cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
To develop your argument further, provide more detailed examples and explain how they support your point. This will help in making your response more complete and persuasive.

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