In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their baby. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #jobs #first #months #birth #baby

Although

maternity leave is thought by some people to be beneficial for the physical and mental

health

mothers

, others think that it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I consider that maternity leave can bring about more advantages to

women

compared to any downsides it might bring. Despite the disadvantages below, I believe the benefits gained by

mothers

having a long holiday are undoubtedly useful for their physical and emotional

health

Firstly

mothers

can stay at home and have more time to recover from

health

issues after giving birth.

This

is an important process as it is helpful for

mothers

to regain physical strength and to be fully prepared to return to their original positions.

Secondly

women

can establish a closer parent-child relationship in

this

period of time, leading to a satisfaction of emotional needs from

mothers

and babies and a solid attachment to the baby.

This

is a valuable component for early child development. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when

women

take a long leave after they give birth to children. One downside is that it might cause a shortage of human resources in job markets.

For example

, in Hong Kong,

generally

Add a comma

generally,

show examples

employers have to hire extra staff to compensate for the loss of manpower, which will cause an extra financial burden

Change preposition

for

show examples

employers.

However

this

situation only lasts for a short period of time. Another negative impact is that the employment opportunities of

women

might be affected

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

maternity protection.

In other words

, it might be possible for the company to avoid hiring

women

due to

the potential cost they might bring. In conclusion, the tremendous advantages that

women

can enjoy are extremely helpful for physical

health

and parental

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

while

the downsides are negligible, supporting that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Submitted by gavinchung1201 on Sat Jul 22 2023

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task response

Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents a clear opinion.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates good logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion, and well-supported main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their baby. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can the government do to reduce the amount of waste produced?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others thank that there more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, child labor has become a major concern. why it is so? What can be done to solve this problem?

More and more newspapers and news channels are using photographs to support their news articles and stories. Some people think that photographs are not a reliable source of news while others consider photographs to be irrefutable. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The chart below shows the number of jobs in tourism related industries in one UK city between 1989 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.