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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
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There is an opinion that young offenders should be held accountable for their actions just as
adults
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.
While
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 I find
this
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 view of some people justifiable to some extent, I
also
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 argue that treating both young and mature lawbreakers equally may have adverse effects. On the one hand, I can understand why a young age should be no deterrent to dealing with criminals. If these juvenile delinquents were easily pardoned in place of receiving strict punishments as
adults
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, they would not become fully aware of the serious consequences of their crimes.
Therefore
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, imposing appropriate punishments could prevent them from conducting illegal actions in the future.
Besides
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, young perpetrators usually receive lighter sentences than they deserve, which is an injustice to the victims. In Vietnam, there was a well-known case in which a teenager murdered almost every member of a family deliberately, escaping the death sentence
due to
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 being a few months under the responsible age.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that juvenile criminals should be tried in a different court from that for
adults
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.
Firstly
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, children are proven not to have sufficient intellectual or moral capacity to understand the outcomes of their misdeeds, so they lack the necessary conditions to be trial defendants as grown-up people.
Secondly
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, when given a second chance, these underage convicts can have an opportunity to successfully rehabilitate and learn a valuable lesson.
Thirdly
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, children can be negatively influenced by some bad role models, which should
also
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 be considered to give them a fair trial. In conclusion, breakers of laws should not be spared
of
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apply
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punishments, but I believe young offenders should be dealt with differently from
adults
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by juinneuf231069buying on

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task response
Ensure that all points raised directly relate to the prompt and address the specific issues presented in the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, using cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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